Dear Friends,

No, I am not gay. My love of cheesy romantic comedies has no reflection on my sexuality. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my love of "Fifty First Dates" or "Love Actually." I was raised by a strong woman, and these are repercussions of a successful childhood.

I am also not in “the friendzone.” This is the abyss that boys discuss as the point of no return. Just because I am friends with a woman does not mean I have any desire to date them. I’d appreciate it if you’d understand that I don’t want to date your woman and that she’s really into you. As a matter of fact, she sought my approval of you before you started dating — you’re welcome.

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I may be a writer of poetry, but that does not equivocate me to being a pansy. It’s an art form you know. I enjoy writing rhymes, and newsflash so does your favorite music artist. Whether you love Waylon Jennings or Lil’ Wayne, they’re both famous for their ability to make rhymes. Also, you know that Shakespeare poem you ripped off to impress the girl you like? Yeah, I could have written you something original so she didn’t find out you’re a fraud. Your loss.

So, let me understand this: because I wear boots and jeans I can’t enjoy deep emotional talks? False, on every possible level. There’s so much more to life than what you consider manly. It’s nice to bare souls every now and then. Plus, you might figure yourself out this way. Many successful men did this all the time. Men such as Johnny Cash. gifsoup.com

I’m sorry that you’re uncomfortable with your emotions, but I’d appreciate it if you’d quit calling me superlative slurs. Just because I like to share my emotions doesn’t mean I won’t turn right around and rearrange your teeth. What’s wrong big boy, daddy didn’t hug you enough?

I don’t think you understand how much I enjoy that look of horror on your face when you found out I cried at the end of the "Notebook." That’s a beautiful ending, and you know it. Maybe you will love someone like that in the future and understand it. You can love someone other than yourself, right?

I am most certainly not a donkey because I don’t want to play video games, or go drinking with you on Friday night. I didn’t knock your hobby of video games or drinking, so don’t knock my desire to curl up with a good book instead. However, I’m free Saturday; want to go fishing?

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Yes, I love art. There’s something magical about the work that the artist put in. You aren’t impressed? Oh, so you could paint “Woman and Child” by Mary Cassatt? No? Then shut up.

New York Art Museum, “Mother and Child” by Mary Cassat

I really don’t understand why you feel the need to pick on the fact that I like to talk to women. It doesn’t always need to be sex. Have you ever tried a stimulating conversation? I can answer that — no. If you had, I wouldn’t need to be friends with so many women!

I still like to get dirt on my hands, and I have calluses just like you. I like to gut a fish, and I love driving my ‘93 Ford. I’m different than you, though; I had a strong woman as a role model. That doesn’t make me better or worse than you, just different. I respect you, and you will respect me. By the way friend, I noticed that clip in your jeans. What kind of knife you got?

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