Hello old friend,
Well, its the start of another day... another day with you hanging around on my back. Another day of you causing heaviness on this heart of mine. Another day of overthinking the little (or not so little things).
You see, people who have never had you in their lives do not know what it's like, and they can't even imagine. They do not realize the simplest things they do or say, can set you off like fireworks.
You cause me to be "clingy." You cause me to want to shut everyone out. It has always been a crazy ride with you.
You make me question my self-worth. You make me overthink every single little thing I do. I can go from 0 to 100 real quick. I can be laughing and happy, and all of a sudden you come and steal my joy.
Yes, some days I could probably do better at controlling you. So right now, I am confessing that you honestly just wear me out some days...no scratch that, you are exhausting. Sometimes it is just easier to let you take over for a little while instead of fighting back in what feels like a losing battle of sorts.
However, what I am about to say may catch you even more off guard than what I just stated. I want to say thank you. Well, thank you is not really the best word to use I guess. Because saying thank you means I actually really am grateful and accepting of you, and honestly, I really am not. I kind of have to accept you because you are something I live with every day. I guess we could both say I tolerate you *overthinking.*
Anyways, you have shown me that we really do need to think twice or even three times before we say or do anything. Because the simplest things we do can really have a bigger impact than we could ever understand. An unopened text. An ignored text. A wrong look. A change in the way we say something to someone. Anything.
Because when you see someone who is struggling with you, you probably will never know it. You are really good at hiding your ugly self. So thank you (really) for giving me the ability to be a more understanding person.
You have made me more complex than I could have ever imagined and, for some strange reason, I am okay with that. Maybe it's because I've never really known life without anxiety.
Thank you for truly making me understand: words are free, it is how we use them that will cost you. I hope that one day you will get tired and leave, get the much-needed rest you deserve. However, the lessons you have taught me never will.