As someone who has battled anxiety most of their life, every day is a new adventure for me. Every moment holds something new and that can be nerve racking at times. I try and hide my anxiety well. But sometimes, I do not quite succeed
These are my confessions
It will never be as easy as: "Oh just forget about it". Telling me to just forget about it will make me over process how to forget about it, and then I am overthinking twice as much.
You may not ever be able to "see" any signs of my anxiety. I try to hide it from people well. But anxiety is always there... in my mind and in my heart.
Just because I am experiencing anxiety about something does not mean I will have an anxiety attack. Anxiety may come and go quickly, other times it can literally last for hours on end.
The jokes about OCD and anxiety are actually extremely hurtful. They are never really funny in all honesty. There is nothing funny about feeling like your world is literally spinning out of control and there is nothing you can do about it.
An unanswered call or text is my worst enemy. I will automatically assume something is wrong.
I will rethink every single little possible scenario in my head until I have gone way off in left field somewhere and I can't even remember what was bothering me to begin with.
When I say I am tired, I truly mean I am tired. Anxiety is truly exhausting, both mentally and physically.
Meeting new people really does not bother me that much. However, I will always feel like people will watch what I am doing or be talking about me. Sometimes just walking into a cafeteria or restaurant is hard.
My anxiety does not define me. I am not going to hide in a corner, and I am not some helpless person. No matter how much my brain may tell me I am in the process. My obsessive and reoccurring thoughts truly do just happen out of the blue sometimes. I take steps to manage these now, and "living with anxiety" has become "easier", I guess you could say. But it does factor into who I am, and my decision making.
Trying to describe what anxiety feels like is impossible. How can you truly describe being overwhelmed, sad, nervous, tired, happy, and helpless all at the same time?? Anxiety is a mixture of emotions that will spin you around and around until you are ready to puke. So the next time you wanna joke around about your "nervousness" being OCD/anxiety, please take a second to think about those who do truly struggle with it every single day.
I would give anything just to feel butterflies in my stomach when I am uncomfortable, instead of feeling so out of control of everything. Anxiety is nothing to play around about, and to those who do struggle, know that you are not fighting this battle alone. There are millions of people fighing the fight with you every day.
