Being a 20-something comes with a very unique set of challenges. The biggest, and most difficult for some, can be deciding on a path and ultimately discovering one’s true self. I dedicated the past two years to focusing on myself. I’ve become a healthier, happier individual with true passions and minimal insecurities. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned as I’ve designed my life around the way I want to live.
1. Your social media presence won’t make you happy
It can be so easy to find inspiration on other people’s Instagram feeds. Whether it be extreme vacations, the perfect body or ultimate “squad goals,” there’s something to be said for the ideas that social media can provoke. Still, it’s important to remember that social media isn’t real life. The coolest pictures you see are more than likely staged. Social media is a front created by individuals to gain approval from peers, and even more importantly to some, strangers. If you spend time on these accounts, use them to document your real life, not what others want to see. Putting up a digital façade will only take time away from the moments you’re in and how much time you spend as yourself vs. your Internet persona.
2. Let that friend go- you’ll be fine without them
Friends come and go; that’s no secret. Having others to rely on can be lifesaving in some of life’s toughest moments. It can also be detrimental to your personal progression. Losing a friend can be as bad as, if not worse than, the worst break-up. It’s important to remember that most friends are temporary, and that’s okay. You will meet different people at different stages of your life. Sometimes the stage you’re at doesn’t click with the stage of another. Different priorities can make for difficult relationships, but that doesn’t mean that somewhere down the road, those priorities won’t be in line. Let go of anyone and anything holding you back from your true potential and don’t spend too much time thinking of what could have been.
3. Your music taste is just an accessory
Don’t let anyone define you by what you listen to, and don’t define yourself by the fellow concertgoers at your favorite band’s show. Music is designed to be an enjoyable experience: a form of entertainment. So you don’t know the lyrics to the top 10 songs on the radio, or you’ve never heard of your best friend’s favorite, obscure band. So what? Don’t spend time being embarrassed of your music taste, and stop spending time judging others on theirs. Take your Spotify off of “Private Session” and listen to whatever makes you happy. Life is too short to learn the words to a rap song you hate.
4. Make decisions for yourself
Stop being afraid to let people down. Listening to your inner self is crucial when making decisions, whether they be professional or social. If you don’t want to go out with your friends tonight, don’t. If you don’t want to stay at your current job, don’t. Don’t go away to college because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. Make decisions based on what you are ready for at the moment you make your decision. Still, don’t use that as an excuse to shy away from a challenge you know you can handle. Put your own interests, needs and ideas above anyone else’s. You are the only person who can take responsibility for your decisions. Don’t let anyone else take away the right to make them.
5. You don’t need a significant other to make yourself whole
STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU! Spend your time trying to manifest your creativity and use your energy to make something out of your time. Sure, it can be nice to have someone along for the ride, but you are enough as an individual. If the right person is supposed to come, they will. Don’t live your life looking for the next best partner. Spend your time looking for the next best opportunity for yourself. You won’t truly learn to live until you’re content in your current state. Searching for the next best thing, or person, at every opportunity will only prohibit other progressions.
6. Listening to your body makes all the difference
Don’t forget exercise, food and sleep. So much of our life is spent on mental advancements. It’s important to remember that our physical body needs some love too. Take time everyday to sit outside and enjoy the weather. Sleep when you’re tired- a short nap won’t kill you, even if your friends will when you miss your afternoon plans. Eat healthy, but don’t take away the happiness that comes with a warm chocolate chip cookie. Listen to your body, and give it what it needs when it needs it.
7. "Me-time" is important, no matter what that means to you
Don’t forget to make time for what you like to do. If that’s a 7 a.m. yoga class, get your lazy butt out of bed and go. If it’s binge-watching "House of Cards" on Netflix, set aside some time after you finish that huge research paper. Stick to a schedule and learn to build in quiet time for whatever you need to decompress.
8. Set goals and let your determination move them
You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t have something to work towards. Figure out what you want in life. Yes, this can take some time, and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid of a gap year, or a semester break. You won’t be able to focus on working towards the future if you don’t know what that future is. Set a goal: figure out where you want to be a year from now and start researching how to get there. Find a dream job and make a contact in the field. It’s never too early to work towards your future, and focusing on an end goal will make the day-to-day grind that much easier. That being said, don’t be afraid if your goals change as you grow. Be open to whatever comes your way, and never prohibit yourself from exploring a new path if you feel inclined to do so.
9. Be confident in yourself and your voice
Everyone else is doing it? That doesn’t mean you have to. Don’t be afraid to be an individual. Time spent doing things you don’t like is time wasted. Stand up for what you believe and what you want to see happen. Don’t waste any time trying to fit in with those around you. Don’t be discouraged if your short, or long-term goals are different than those of your peers. Wear what you want, be who you want and do what you want. Be sure while following your own path, you never judge another for theirs. Also, remember that not everyone you meet is going to like you. That's okay. Don't ever change to please another person and be content with the fact that some people just don't mesh.
10. Focus on the people that matter
A large part of focusing on yourself is making time for those important to you. A lot of times this may mean putting time and effort into long-distance relationships, which can be frustrating. Give your all to these relationships. It will be satisfying to see what can come of friendships over the years, and instantly rewarding when these people do the same for you. Don’t forget those who have always been there as you make new relationships along the way. Don’t ever put a significant other above a friend, or vice versa. Focus on creating balance in all aspects of your life, and loving everyone around you equally.
11. You’ve always known who you are, you’ve just been afraid to own it
The idea of “discovering yourself” is a myth. You may take time to explore different outlets of expression. Take a minute to ask yourself what you like. Stop creating such a monumental occasion out of the idea of “finding yourself.” Start to look at this as working towards your potential. Listen to your gut and observe how you handle situations. Start to take note of how you behave and what makes you tick. Pay attention to yourself and the little things about you. This is who you truly are; it has just been shaded by what you think you’re supposed to be. Spend these years mapping yourself and putting your needs before anything else. Through this, you will “find yourself” simply by gaining confidence in who you have always been, and be able to focus on the things that are truly important to you.
