Don’t get me wrong -- my entire Spring Break was spent rapping Fetty Wap with my girls and thinking we were the next Nicki Minaj. I guarantee you that we could go word for word to “Down in the Dm’s." So before anyone gets butt-hurt and thinks I’m downing the Rap genre, I’m not. This is just the very honest opinion of a college girl who sees her peers getting love all wrong. Most of the time, I pay no attention to the words on the radio, but a six-hour ride can get you thinking. One minute into “Jimmy Choos” by Fetty Wap and I heard this “Slim thick wit' yo cute a**, ayy. I might buy you a new bag, da*n. So fine I bought a new Jag, da*n.” What? You’re going to buy her a new bag because she has a nice ass? And a new Jag too? I just made all A’s on my midterms Fetty, what am I going to get for that? But seriously, some girl somewhere in Fetty’s life just got a new bag for having a nice body, and it’s got me wondering how many other songs that I listen to say things like that? So of course, having nothing else to do with my life, I researched,

“Spotted you, you had that glow, watch me pull out all this dough. Take you where you want to go, flexing on your ex, I know. He ain't ever take you out, barely even left your house” (My way, Fetty Wap).” He cop me this wrist game, now it's just us at the Knicks game” (Big Daddy, Nicki Minaj). “Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish.” “And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain “(Anaconda, Nicki Minaj) The lyrics kept coming, one after the other about how if girls please their men, they would be shown affection through channel bags, nice cars, and fancy dates. Now, I’m all for being spoiled -- my ex bought me a Michael Kors bag for Christmas two years ago big enough to fit a whole CookOut tray in it. The experience was just how the rap songs described it: I pulled it out of its wrapping in all of its glory he looked at me and said, “Yeah I got you that because of your slim-thick a**.” No. That’s not how it went at all. I said thank you and we went on with our relationship. I didn’t post it all over social media. I didn’t expect another extravagant gift two months later on Valentine’s Day. Most importantly I didn’t think to myself “Wow he just spent $300+ dollars on me, he must really love me. I know for sure he won’t leave because him spending that much means he really invested in our relationship.” That’s not how it works. However, so many girls are starting to act like that’s how it does.

I’ve seen so many posts of girls' lavish gifts from their significant others. From proposals involving shopping sprees to girls crying over yeti cups, I see comments like, “He must really love you.” At what point did girls get the idea that a boy spending outrageous amounts of money on you meant that he loves you? From a woman in the heart of a generation that believes this idea, I’m disappointed. Let me tell you ladies, your new yeti cup, those seven for $27 he just bought you, and even my Michael Kors does not mean that a man is invested in you. I’m not saying that your boyfriend doesn’t love you, I’m sure he does and he bought you a gift to make you smile. But, ladies of our generation are getting material items and feelings confused. It’s got to stop somewhere, for the sake of our future daughters. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my daughter to miss out on true love because she mistook it for something else. I hear so many women say, “I wish he would just spend time with me.” Or “I wish he remembered this...” And yet they retract their statement the second her man covers the disappointment in a band aid that looks like a new purse or that Alex and Ani she’s been dreaming of. News flash: he’s not going to spend time with you and he’s not going to remember if you’re constantly fine with being fixed with gifts. It’s up to you to change the cycle. It’s up to you to remember what real love looks like.

Real love is not lavish gifts and empty words. A man that is truly trying to love you and trying to earn your love with show you in much more subtle ways. He will call to make sure you got there safely when you didn’t call at 7:30 p.m. like you promised. He will make it a point to learn the little things about you, like how you only like orange jelly beans. He will make sure your momma knows that her baby girl is safe and make sure your daddy knows that she is respected. He will hold the door open for you. He will be there when you laugh and he will be there when you cry (if you can ugly cry in front of him, keep him). He will treat you like the princess you are because you were fearfully and wonderfully made. He will love you but he will love the Lord more. Don’t settle. Remember what loves looks like. Love does not come in the form of bags or shoes. It does not come with words that sexualize you.

So ladies, when he gets you those new Jacks you’ve been wanting, say thank you. Realize that your man worked hard to get you that gift, but new shoes don’t mean commitment. Commitment means commitment. And when he gets you a cookout tray, be just as thankful, because he remembered you love quesadilla trays. In the words of Drake, “Know yourself, Know your worth.” If you have that attitude, so will your man.