I walk the streets of downtown L.A. everyday, and I always feel the same way as I reach my destination…dirty, cheap, shameful. In the 32 minutes it takes me to walk to work and back, I receive over 20 different verbal and nonverbal reactions from men as I pass by. I’m new to the whole “desirable woman” thing, and I’m finding out it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not used to being complimented every time I pass a man on the street. I’m not used to being ogled by the eyes of thirsty men as I ride the metro. I’m not used to the shame I feel as I finally reach the safety of my apartment. The flattery of the 21st century man is as cracked up as the sidewalks of L.A.
I moved to L.A. a month ago after living in the Midwest for the past 20 years and have learned one very important life lesson; the sidewalks here are filthy. Literally, the sidewalks are dirty here in the City of Angels. However, when I walk the streets during my daily commute, I see more than just the physical filth. Although the sidewalks are littered with plastic and cigarette butts, they are also encrusted with the objectification of women. The sidewalks are infested with vulgar language, nasty gestures and leering gazes. They are cracked from years of mistreatment and harassment. These are the sidewalks women walk on everyday, as they are repeatedly harassed with “compliments” from men who only see them as the extension of their walkway.
At first, I wasn’t bothered by the comments I received. But as time went on, I began to feel as if I was doing something wrong. Every time a man told me I was beautiful, I would instantly feel embarrassed, like I was doing something to garner their attention. I started to question my wardrobe choices and how I was walking, trying to figure out what I was doing differently. As I walked home from work one afternoon, I saw two teenage boys sitting outside on the sidewalk. As I passed them, one boy made eye contact with me and said, “Hey girl, you’re cute." I smiled and kept walking. As innocent as this interaction was, it made me sad to think that in only a few shorts years, that “cute” would turn into “sexy” or “nice booty." It also made me realize the constant attention I was receiving wasn’t my fault. I was wearing ripped jeans and an oversized t-shirt. By any standard, I was dressed modestly. No matter what I would wear or how I would do my hair, I was seen in a way that’s more than innocent. The only thing warranting any male attention is the fact that I’m a woman. The sad thing is that these men think they are doing me a favor by telling me I’m pretty. Excuse me, but I don’t need anyone to validate my looks. I know my worth better than anyone else, especially a random man passing me on the crosswalk.
There’s a social norm in place that gives people the freedom to objectify one another. Men yell and women are expected to accept it, and even encourage it. Depending on the type of compliment I receive, I’ll respond with a polite, “Thank you” or a small smile. However, most of the time I ignore the words being provocatively flung my way. When I neglect to acknowledge the crude comments about my rear-end or my rack, I get hit with “Fine Bitch, you’re not even that pretty,” or my personal favorite, “Oh I see, you’re too good for me.” I always think to myself, “Yes, I am too good for you. A man who thinks commenting on a woman’s ass and expecting her to fall to her knees in adoration is seriously disturbed, and therefore unworthy of any woman’s time.” But why don’t I ever turn around and give them a piece of my mind? Why don’t I defend myself? Why is it more common for a woman to get hit on and ignore it rather than to address the issue?
The answer isn’t just waiting to be picked up off the sidewalks where our self-worth supposedly resides, it stems from a cultural acceptance of women being taught to stay quite. It’s interesting to note that, amongst the many different forms of flattery I have received, I have only stood up for myself once. That’s it. I yelled at a man who honked at me four times to, “Shut up already!” as I continued to my destination. I was infuriated at the audacity of that man to honk at me like I was a pigeon in the street.
Below is a list of a few of personal experiences:
“Hey, pretty lady, I like your skirt.”
I said 'thank you' with a smile, immediately regretting it and thinking maybe I should have worn something else.
"You are so beautiful.”
I said 'thank you' as I continued to wait for the metro to bring me to downtown. As I walked away he said, "You have a good day."
“Hey, sexy, how are you? Looking gorgeous.”
“Hey, baby, how you doin'?”
I just kept walking.
“Yoo-hoo! Moi Bonita.” *eyebrow wag*
I ignored him but I was embarrassed because he said that to me while I was waiting at a crosswalk with a bunch of people around me who heard it. It made me mad.
“You have beautiful feet.”
Surprised at the unusual compliment, I sped up my pace.
“Hey, baby, you look like Kim Kardashian with that booty!”
I looked back at him disgusted, and he started to yell profanities about me being rude.
"Wow, you smell great--caught my attention."
“Hi, baby, how you doin'?”
“You have a nice night there, Beautiful.”
I said 'thanks' and kept walking. The man is upset with my response, “Jesus, you say ‘thank you’ like you’ve already had 50 guys say that tonight… be grateful.” I waved my hand in the air behind me to dismiss him as I kept walking.
“Dang, baby, you’re looking fine tonight. Where you coming from?”
This is more than just my problem though. In numerous surveys taken over the past decade, the majority of women admit to being subjected to street harassment. In 2014, the Stop Street Harassment organization commissioned a survey including 2,000 participants from all over the country. The survey found that 65 percent of all women had experienced street harassment. Among all women, 23 percent had been sexually touched, 20 percent had been followed, and 9 percent had been forced to perform a sexual act. In 2016, ActionAid conducted a global survey on street harassment. They found that 79 percent of women in India, 86 percent in Thailand and 89 percent in Brazil had been subjected to harassment or violence in public, as had 75 percent of women in London, UK. Clearly, this is more than just an L.A. problem; this is a societal issue spanning the globe.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t escape the “flattery." I also take into account that not every man is responsible for this issue. However, I do know that it’s not something I’m willing to ignore. I’m done giving these men validation for their flattery. It takes courage to step onto the concrete runway of sexual objectification (a.k.a. the sidewalk). It has turned into my personal battleground, and I’m ready to start talking back.
To learn more about street harassment in your community, follow these links:
http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/
