Well hello Odyssey readers, it's been about a year since I've written my last article.

I'm back, and needless to say, a lot has changed since about 365 days ago. What have I learned? What was the most compelling event that occurred within this gap of time? After being away for so long, it may be compelling for some to want to know about my personal life. There wasn't a single event that happened that shaped who I have become. But, what I have learned in a year is this: the path of self-love isn't linear.

Although this may be a tough pill to swallow, it is a reality for many, including myself. Self-love isn't an easy task— it can take many days, months, even years to achieve. It is supposedly like Nirvana; cloud nine; the breaking of an endless cycle of doubt and darkness. It seems legendary and mythical: something you only find in fairy tales with happy endings.

People romanticize, crave, and desire self-love. They will sacrifice anything to obtain it. They believe that once they have everything they want in life, they will finally love themselves. What people seem to forget is to appreciate the journey, and they end up putting all their focus on the destination. They get lost in the abyss and never end up coming out the same.

Perfection was my end-game.

My own experience is quite the same as the paragraph above. I used to think that I would be happy once I reached a goal. I despised myself every day leading up to it: when the time approached and I got what I always wanted, I still felt empty. The emptiness continued to grow until it consumed me whole and manifested into another want, another need. The process continued and drove me into insanity.

What continued to deter me from fixing myself was not only being a perfectionist but dealing with external forces. People and things alike persisted and pestered, belittling me and questioning my worth. My anxieties grew until they chewed me up and spit me out. I couldn't sleep, eat, or breathe. Normal everyday tasks became challenging to the point where I would have to leave and get air. But, when I would inhale, it felt as if I was being suffocated. The pressure was equal to a thousand bricks on my chest, crushing me.

Then, I realized that I didn't like living this way. Who am I? This isn't me.

This is a shell of my former self, but that's it. What can I do to feel again? After all, that pain, living, and feeling were obsolete. I was purely existing to survive, and I felt numb. Days and weeks turned into a continuous blur. I struggled to keep my head above water, and I felt there was no way out. I became sick of waking up every day wanting to go back to bed. I was sick of throwing a daily pity party for myself so-to-speak. I kicked myself into gear and thought, what can I do to get out of this nightmare I couldn't wake up from? What I remembered was that I can learn to fall in love with myself again.

The journey of self-love is a road less traveled, and not one for the fairest of hearts. It's full of twists and turns; ups and downs. It's similar to a roller coaster. You never know what's coming next, and it's exhilarating yet exhausting. Once the ride is over, you sum up the courage to hop back on for another go-around. The second time may not be the same as the first.

If self-love were linear, it wouldn't be real.

The journey of self-love is falsely portrayed as a straight line with no bumps along the way. Speaking from personal experience, this is far from the truth. Self-love is a continuous, difficult job. It takes perseverance, persistence, and dedication; the results are worth the effort. The ending may be completely different than planned, but it is destined and designed just for you. It is your responsibility to continue to return to yourself, and nourish your soul.

Where am I now in the journey of self-love? This may be a burning question. The answer: a work-in-progress. I have been through the wringer for many years battling my own demons, but I am determined to return to myself. The self that I was before the anxiety, the eating disorder, everything. The self that I know is deep down in there. I felt lost for a long time, but the light at the end of the tunnel is vastly approaching.

I am making myself my number one priority this year.

What does that entail? Purely spreading love and a positive attitude wherever I go. I'm finding new passions, rediscovering old ones, spending as much time as possible with loved ones, and learning how to start living. I am choosing to wake up every day with the intentions of loving myself, others, and life in mind. A big part of this process is learning to let go of the little things. Unfortunately, letting go has not been simple for me, but it is a start to the journey.

I have begun to take up yoga, start writing again, and devoted more time to exercise/healthy eating. I have also taken more of my time in my studies and making new friends. I'm teaching myself to say kind things about myself instead of destructive nonsense. I am putting my own happiness above others, but remaining selfless. Every day I am inspired to learn something new, make someone's day better, and be grateful to have another day on this beautiful earth.

I am not giving up on my goal of becoming a nurse. Helping others become well again has been ingrained in my values, and others helping me and being my support system has helped me grow into who I am today. Giving back to other people will give them the opportunity to make the world a better place. Nursing school is a beast in itself, but it will be worth it all in the end.

Life is too short to waste it on hurting yourself.

You are a beautiful being with so much love, potential, and power. It won't be a cakewalk, but don't give up. Loving yourself is worth the sacrifice. Loving yourself is the equivalent of seeing a mystical world. It's almost as if we're in the land of Oz. Black and white turn into color— and there's so much to discover. It's like putting a new lens onto an old camera. Loving yourself is the start of transforming life for the better. It's the end of an old chapter and the beginning of another.

The point is this: self-love isn't linear. It is tough, but an unforgettable battle. Life wouldn't be as fulfilling if loving yourself was given to everyone. The journey of self-love is a rewarding, beautiful way to start over. Give yourself a chance that's rightfully deserved— you may never know until you try. No matter what, everything works itself out: you will end up where you're ultimately supposed to be. Plant your own seeds and tend to them until your mind becomes a gorgeous garden. It may give inspiration to others to do the same.

As for me, I am continuing to strive to grow as an individual. Every breath, sight, sound, touch, feeling, etc. will never be taken for granted ever again. Every experience has something I can take from it, positive or negative. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, and I won't give up despite the odds. Not everyone is going to want me to succeed, but self-love is all about pushing yourself and seeing how far you go.

The journey of self-love isn't linear, but I am grateful for it.