You can call it anxiety but that may be too dramatic. You could call it bad genes but, oh yikes, that would probably offend my mom. You could put half a million labels on it, but until you’ve known the pain of being a chronic worrier, you’ll know that each of them won’t adequately describe it; you’ll fear that it’s the wrong label.
For some, the cycle of worrying is something that never ends. It’s not bad enough to see a doctor about and get loaded up anti-anxiety meds, but it’s enough that it keeps you up some nights and has even taken some days, too. For those who have a calm mind, one that isn’t tortured with “what ifs” and worst case scenarios at nearly every waking hour, it would seem silly to describe the things that worry you. Hell, it’s even silly to you, the worrier, which is quite possibly the worst part. Knowing how ridiculous it is to allow your mind and body to be consumed with pesky thoughts that ruin your mood, but not being able to find an off switch for it is simply miserable.
The constant fear that someone is mad at you, (because why else would they take more than five minutes to text back?), that someone tapped your webcam and is watching you at every moment (totally realistic, right??), that when someone you love has the common cold they’re terminally ill (thanks, Grey’s), or that you left your flat iron on or the door unlocked so you have to turn the car around to go home and check. And when you’re faced with choices? Well, you’ll need about a millennium to decide. And in those rare instances that you decided not to worry and it ends up turning out how you should have feared, well, goodbye to instances of not worrying.
A lot of them clear up on their own, but some of them plague your mind for weeks, months and even years. Often times they lay dormant, until you see something or hear something that reminds you of it and starts the cycle all over again.
It’s surely comical to others, and even yourself at times, but being a chronic worrier has its advantages. When the thing you’re worrying about turns completely opposite and wonderful, you appreciate it SO MUCH MORE than had you not been worrying about it. When you’re on a streak in life where everything is going well and you realize for once you’re not worrying, the happy feeling you get inside is almost uncontainable. And in the moments that you finally give into everyone telling you to stop worrying and just go for it and it turns out awesome, well, you feel absolutely fearless.
