It's October 6 and you're bored in class and you decide to log into that dusty FindUnfollow app you (hopefully) never use and see that that guy you met your freshman history class just unfollowed you on Twitter. You're super offended, you huff and puff and wonder when the last time you talked to him was, so you scroll through your texts and then realize it. "Oh I didn't reply to his text. In June. Oh and there again in May. 13 UNREPLIED TEXTS AND HE KEPT TEXTING ME?" You decide you feel more guilty than stalked and there you sit in a prime position for some heavy excuse making.
You start to narrow down your list of things you could say to make yourself seem more like the victim rather than the bad person in the scenario, because that's what good excuse making is all about.
"My fish died and it's been really hard on me."
"I was really sick."
"I know I'm 21 but my mom took away my phone because I didn't clean my room."
"I fell asleep."
The possibilities are endless. Here is the worst excuse I have ever heard someone come up with. So last year I had a date with this guy and I didn't want to go at all. I really wanted to get out of it and had no idea of how to go about that so I turned to one of my friends for advice. She suggests in all seriousness that I tell him her dad died and I have to go to the funeral that day. She was literally not trying to make a joke. She really wanted me to say that and thought it was a great excuse. Needless to say I did not give the morbid death excuse, but I did get out of the date. Woohoo I got out of free dinner with a nice guy, I really dodged a bullet!
The most common lie I think people use to get out of something is that they aren't feeling well, but no one ever believes a sick excuse. You could literally have proof that you're in the hospital and people would find a way to believe you're just trying to make an excuse.
Lying gives me anxiety. Severe anxiety. Keeping up with my story is enough to make me break out in hives. If I made a regular thing out of it it would surely kill me, so I decided to start doing something else.
Telling the truth. It's so simple and yet somehow so incredibly hard to do at the same time. We would actually rather say our father died than just be honest with someone. Here's the thing about lying though, people are not as dumb as you think they are. I can specifically remember countless times when someone lied straight to my face and I knew they were lying without a doubt. Me being the way I am, I never call them out on it but I wish I would and I always regret not doing it because I am basically writing a permission slip for them to view me as a complete idiot.
When someone lies to you, that is the nonverbal way of them telling you how little they think of you. I know this because if I can think back on times I've made an excuse to get out of something or told a lie, I know deep down it was because even subconsciously I was viewing them as completely unimportant and I was valuing myself way over them. This is why I think pathological liars or even people who fib or make excuses frequently are some of the most selfish people who are only looking out for #1 and their own appearance.
People will do anything to keep up appearances. It is the main reason people lie. It used to just be concern with wanting everyone to think we are someone with great character and a top notch moral compass, but now with Instagram and Twitter and all the social media craziness, girls especially are more obsessed than ever with their outward appearance, making themselves look absolutely flawless in every picture they post after spending an hour and a half writing the perfect caption (which has a ton of grammatical errors by the way, run that through a spell check). But this form of lying is okay with me. If you want to falsify on your Instagram pictures you probably aren't going to get called out on it. Just know that to keep up those kinds of appearances you can never leave the privacy of your house. FaceTune and Perfect 365 can't follow you around all hours of the day, making sure your thighs are skinny looking enough and your face is perfectly airbrushed to make you look like you're a wax figure at an art exhibit. This kind of lying will ALWAYS be exposed. Just as soon as you have to leave the house to restock on milk and toilet paper. I always say I would rather people be pleasantly surprised when they see me in person instead of gawking while slowly realizing I'm actually 20 pounds heavier and a heck of a lot uglier than my Instagram pictures let on.
I will always believe that honesty is the best policy. It worked in the "get-out-of-an-awkward-date" mission. I told him I was flattered but I didn't want to lead him on when I knew I just wanted to be friends with him, and he told me he appreciated me being upfront with him. It was the absolute best feeling.
Even if you literally tell someone that you would rather watch Netflix in bed because you've had a long day, I think that'll go over a lot better than getting in your 9th fake car accident of the week. Lying is never a good color on anyone, even if you're a pro at it and no story is easier to keep up with than the honest-to-God truth.
In the loss of a Twitter follower incident, it might just be best to let the numbers slide on that one, but if you just can't seem to shake it, guys are pretty forgiving. So if you text him and say something close to, "I hope you're doing well, I'm sorry we haven't talked in so long!", he will probably be so excited that you texted him he won't even remember that you ignored his last million messages.
