Looking back, I expected to miss the feeling of simply being on the field. I knew I would miss throwing a ball or hitting a double in the middle of a close game. What I did not expect was to miss every single aspect of the game. When finally putting down my bat and ball, saying goodbye to the sport when I did was easy. I had dedicated so much of my life to it and I was ready to close that begin a new chapter. I wish I would have held onto that chapter in my life just a little bit longer. There are so many things I miss about the game, these are some I wish I never took for granted.
1. The pressure.
Being a pitcher, you have ultimate control. The game literally rests in your hands and you have more power than anyone else on that field. That is A LOT of pressure. Every single play includes you throwing the pitch your catcher gives you and nailing it correctly. It sounds terrifying to have all of the eyes on you and knowing that everyone is operating based upon the pitches you throw. I loved it. I fed into it. The best way to control the pressure is to stand up and own it. Recognize the pressure that is presented to you and smile at it. I miss having that control. Rather than getting nervous about it, I let that be my motivation.
2. The mess.
I miss coming home covered in clay. "If you do not come home covered, did you even play?", I would tell my mom constantly as she would make me clean off before even coming into our house. I was never afraid of getting dirty to make it home safe or throwing myself onto the clay to stop a ball from getting past me. I would give anything to go back into any of my travel games and redo some of my diving plays or amazing slides into home plate. You may smell bad afterwards and might find clay in the oddest places...but it is all part of the amazing thing that is the game.
3. The language.
The communication in this sport is insane. Coaches and players send signals and say phrases all throughout the game and it is up to the other team to attempt to catch on. We have our own language on the softball field and I miss that communication. Being able to move so effortlessly with other people just by simply sending a sign to them is the best feeling in the world. No players really take the time to think about the language used on the field but I miss it so much. Being able to talk plays to anyone I turned to or give a sign to my second baseman that the runner is taking WAY too big of a lead.
4. My coaches.
My travel softball coaches were my biggest fans. They saw something in me that not many coaches have, potential. They saw the talent I had and knew they could bring me up to my fullest potential. No other coaches in the world could have convinced me as a little thirteen year old to move up and start playing with the high school girls. But they did. And that was the best decision I ever made.They not only were the most amazing coaches, they were three of the best people I have ever came across. When their daughters moved on and no longer were playing, they continued to coach because of me. They are the first people who ever made me feel accomplished, proud, and accountable for my actions. They became some of my best friends.
5. My teammates.
Well...I knew I would miss them. But, did I realize how much? No. I find myself looking at old videos and pictures and getting emotional sometimes thinking about my old teammates. First of all, my teammates were some of the funniest people I have ever met in my life. I can not even begin to tell you how many times I used to be nearly peeing myself or in tears from laughing with my teammates. But the part I miss the most is the unity. The family. I miss doing handshakes with each of my infielders when balls came in every inning. I miss making faces at my best friend/shortstop when the umpire made a bad call. I miss the cheers and chats we would be SCREAMING just to piss off the other team. I miss long car rides back to the hotel after a frustrating game. I miss the team bonding nights and playing mafia. I miss being a part of something bigger than myself. (And if any of my Tamarac Titans are reading this, I miss you guys!!)
