I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I don’t mean the occasional anxiety you get before a huge exam or your wedding day, or even when you go into labor. I’m talking about the anxiety that lives with you all day, every day. I started biting my nails and zoning out when I started pre-school. For nearly twenty years, my head has resembled Superman as the young Clark Kent when he first learned how to control his super hearing powers—loud. So many voices go through my head at once whether they are my own, other people’s or those from past situations replaying on loop.

The anxiety voices tell me that I’m doing something wrong even when I’m not at fault. They make me blame myself for everything that goes wrong. I get sweaty, paranoid and keep to myself. Many times, I freeze and I can’t even speak while internally, I’m screaming. Fearing my next anxiety attack gives me a head start at hyperventilating. Anxiety tries to convince me that I’m the worst person in the world and that awful things are bound to happen to me regardless of what I do.

Here’s how I take control:

Logic and Facts over everything.

Although it is possible for me to get bounce back to a better mood shortly after, I almost never get out of a negative situation without crying. I feel so much guilt and find reasons to prove that it is my fault that it’s physically distressing and exhausting. But I list the facts in my mind until I convince or calm myself with the truth. If I had been accused of going behind someone’s back, and I had evidence and witnesses to prove that I had not been lying, I would remind myself of that. If I have irrational thoughts and fears of someone getting hurt when chances are actually slim, I would relay the possibilities that logically abide by the situation. When something bad really does happen, completely out of my hands, I will instantly make up reasons to bring it back to being my responsibility. By thinking about the facts and realistic probabilities, I get ahold of the scattered visuals in my mind and rule out the ridiculous thoughts no matter how bad I want to believe them.

Find at least one person to confide in.

Find someone that you can trust, with an open mind and heart. A close family member, friend, counselor, etc. can help keep you in check. Communication is so important and I highly encourage it, no matter how much you want to ball up in your bed and shut out the world. It is difficult, but it’s so much more relieving to let out your concerns, your outbursts, and your feelings and talk about them. Human connection is a substantial part of easing the mind, especially when that other person or group of people shares common problems. Join a forum, start an online blog/journal, attend a meeting. Let your voice be heard. Anxiety disorders affect over 3 million people in the US and they are all fighting a battle of their own. I assure you, we are not alone.

Figure out what works for you.

Horrible thoughts will cloud your mind. Be aware of the ways you can steer clear of them, even for a little while. It’s okay to not be okay and to have no idea what to do next. Take a deep breath or ten. Make a list, play a game, create a workout routine, read a few pages of a book, carry a stress ball, draw a picture, cook a meal, go for a hike or a bike ride. Distract yourself. When I feel the pressure in my chest and my head fills with voices and every loud noise around me, I sing. I sing songs that I know every word to because it helps me stay on a steady path and I can focus on the lyrics that I’m singing. When I don’t feel like singing, I write poems, pertaining to how I’m feeling or simply unrelated. I also have sleep anxiety and have a hard time getting myself to relax in bed. I get sweaty, I grasp my chest, and I kick the sheets— utterly restless like a toddler having a tantrum. So I watch video clips of the Tonight Show or scroll through my Instagram or Pinterest explore pages. These things are so mindless that it inevitably helps me clear my mind enough to get sleepy. And I absolutely have to sleep on my left side. Sort of weird, but not totally uncommon activities—hey, it works for me.

Maintain a healthy diet/exercise routine.

Keeping a consistent workout schedule reduces the possibilities of stress build-up. It keeps you fit, improves your mood and makes you tired by the end of the day so this could help with relaxation. Repetitive counting and listening to music while running or working out calms the mind. After you’re finished, you’ll feel accomplished and your hormones will actually be more balanced. Limit caffeine because that will raise your heart rate and make you even more jumpy and hyper-aware of your worries. If you’re not exhausted from your workout, take a walk, eat a clean meal, and do what you need to do to ease your mind before bed. And honestly, have sex. It reduces tension between couples and tension you have within yourself. Don’t fear judgement for taking medication for it, but if you can, try not to depend on medication before experimenting with other techniques of controlling your anxiety. Get to know yourself—your limits, what triggers you and what helps you.

Don’t give in to negativity.

Everyone has different extents and experiences with anxiety. Don’t be ashamed to admit how you’re feeling. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and talk to people whether you’re close with them, they are a stranger or they are a professional. You need someone. You don't have to do it alone. You are not alone. You are going to have bad days, which only means there is room for better days. Educate yourself, accept what you can and cannot change. Surround yourself with positive people and positive environments. Anxiety is a rough mental disorder to live with, but strive to choose positivity and I promise it will lift weight off your shoulders. You are worth a life of happiness.