If you’re reading this, you’re probably going through a rough patch. Let me be the first to validate your struggles and send you good vibes. You deserve it, champ! Now we’re going to keep on truckin’ with some things I’ve found particularly helpful to do during hard times.

1. STOP. Take a moment to breathe.

Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, then breathe out through your mouth for a count of seven. Do this multiple times, focusing on the count of breathing in and out. This length of breathing actually tones your nervous system and works on relaxing your physical symptoms of anxiety, allowing you to think more clearly. I’ve also found it useful to think of these steps when I STOP.

S: Stop. Do not react. Remain still for even a few seconds. Stay in control; you are in control of your own body, even if your emotions try to make you feel differently.
T: Take a step back from the situation. Let go. Take another counted breath. Don’t act impulsively.
O: Observe what’s going on, inside and out. Leave the judgments (“Everyone can see me shaking”) and don’t follow them. Just notice what’s going on with you. What are your thoughts and feelings?
P: Proceed mindfully. Consider all sides to the situation. Think about your goals. Do not act impulsively.

Now you've slowed your thoughts down just a bit, or maybe you just became a bit more aware of yourself and how you're feeling. Either way, it’s a little win! Good job!

2. Radically accept the situation.

You cannot change anything right in this second, and that is OK. Che Sera Sera, What Will Be Shall Be. Right now, we want to take care of you, so check in with yourself. Feel what you are feeling, whether it's anger or sadness or terror; just feel it. Rejecting reality does not change reality. Accept it completely and totally, whatever your mind, your heart, and your body are going through. Remember:

-Notice that you're fighting reality ("It shouldn't be this way!")
-Remind yourself that this situation is just what it is, and it cannot be changed. ("This is what happened. That's OK.")
-There are causes for reality. A chain of events led to this very moment, and not just in your life. Acknowledge that with all the factors surrounding it, reality was bound to happen like this.
-Life can be worth living, even when this pain is present.

3. Sit down and look at the situation. Get it all out.

If you have a difficult decision to make, I recommend a pros/cons square. Write down every little (or big) pro and con. No matter how small or silly, it matters. If this didn’t help just by looking at the list differences, try ranking each pro and con in importance to you. A one-five scale will work just fine.

If you’re having an argument with someone, try writing out all the details from all sides. It’s OK to be wrong. You don’t “win” if you’re right. Before you write that long-winded angry text, answer these questions for yourself first:

Does the other person have the power to change the situation?
How might the other person feel right now?
Are there steps I can take to improve the situation, big or small?
What do I want to say? What is my main point?

Using phrases centering around your personal experience is a plus! For example, “I feel hurt when you joke about my weight” is more effective than saying “You joke about my weight just to hurt me!”

4. Be gentle with yourself.

Have compassion for yourself! This is a great time for some self care! Big or small, do something. Anything. Bathe, lather your favorite lotion on, color in a pretty coloring book to your favorite song; whatever you want, please take the time to do it for yourself. You deserve it right now, champ.

But don’t worry; this doesn’t mean don’t think about it! When someone says “don’t think about ___” we generally just think about it more. Thoughts come and go through our minds all the time, so try observing them. Imagine a river, and your thoughts are written on leaves flowing down this river. They’re there, they’re real, but in this exact moment they cannot hurt you.

Needless to say, your problems may not be solved. They might not be solved for a while, and that's OK. Life is a huge kerfuffle of ups and downs, twists and turns, but there's a point to all of it, and that is growth. You couldn't grow without falling down, making mistakes, and getting up again. Keep in mind that you've got a lot of road ahead of you, and all you can do is keep on truckin'.