My whole life, I’ve always had to work a little harder than everyone else. I was always the kid who never shared her test grade because she didn’t want to look stupid in front of her friends. I was always the kid that would give up right away when things got too tough. This happened all throughout my school years and has followed me into adulthood. It has even seeped into different jobs I’ve had. Some tasks, homework, and lessons don’t click for me right away. I’ve always had to work extra hard for that good test grade or to actually understand the lesson when it’s a piece of cake for my peers. Growing up, this has really taken a toll on my self-esteem.
My freshman and sophomore years of high school, I tried out for the cheer team. After not making it the first year, I told myself I’d come back stronger for the second year, and I did. I felt confident with myself and was telling myself that I could possibly make the team. I worked really hard following up to tryouts, and once again my hard work didn’t pay off. I didn’t end up making it and I was so disappointed with myself. I let it bother me for a while and kept telling myself that I could have done better and I could have worked harder for that spot. But, no matter how hard I worked, it never seemed to be enough.
After that year, I considered trying out for the tennis team, track team, volleyball team, and the lacrosse team. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was ultimately afraid that I would fail again. This left me with a lot of regret. I like to be involved and outgoing, but my fear of failure always hindered me from having fun. I never played a sport in high school just because of my fear of failure.
I stopped believing in myself. To this day, at 21 years old, I still feel inadequate. When I make one little mistake, I beat myself up for it and dwell on that one imperfection. Perfection is not in my DNA and I just have to work a little harder and longer than everyone else.
This is what frustrated me the most. When I see things come easy to other people, I think to myself, “Wow, that must be nice to be good at everything.” My little sister is that way. Anything she tries she’s immediately a natural at. So when she tells me she doesn’t want to try something because she is afraid, I tell her that she can do anything she wants to do only if she applies herself. I don’t want her to be like me, afraid of failure and the opinions of others. Through my experiences, failure is just a sign that you tried. Failure is getting knocked down, but it’s up to you to get back up. I’ve been knocked down numerous times and my only failure is staying down. You have to get back up, that’s the only way you’ll be successful.
Trying a new hobby or taking a hard test is scary and we all have that fear of not doing well, but fear of failure only makes the situation worse. I view failure now as a challenge and decided that I will not let it run my life. Fail once, get up and try again; it’s not the end of the world, you get another chance. And even if you don’t get another chance, you still tried and that’s what’s most important. My mom always tells me just to do my best. As long as you do your best, you know that you tried, and sometimes that's all you need to do, is just try.
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."- Babe Ruth
