I was a few weeks shy from finishing my freshmen year of college for the second time when I first met my best friend. His name was Zak and he was the coolest guy I had ever met. He was confident, smart, good-looking, smooth and had every girl fighting for the seat next to him. It was obvious that when he was in high school, he the jock that every girl wanted to be with and every guy wanted to be.
As we were all getting ready to leave, he announced he was heading to the library to study and was wondering if anyone would like to join him. An hour later I was sitting down at a table on the third floor of the university library where he was already deep into his study session. We had nothing to talk about and I quickly pulled out my laptop and began to play that unicorn racing game that was so popular on Facebook for a good week and a half. Realizing my mistake, I was going to call it quits and leave when suddenly he asked, “Has anyone ever asked you to do them a favor and all you want to tell them is no and that you’ve got shit to do?” I was stunned. Going to school in the state of Utah where a majority of the student population are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (The Mormons!) he was the first person I had ever heard drop a swear word. “Yes,” was my response and then I laughed and so did he. Six years later we’ve spent a good chunk of our college careers as roommates and just last year I had the honor of standing up in his wedding as his best man.
Being friends with Zak has taught me a lot about what it means to be a good friend to someone. I’ve learned that there are a lot of things that make and break a friendship, especially the older it gets. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in our friendship but we’ve always found a way to work things out and keep on bro-ing. So, for my first article as an official writer for Utah State University community of Odyssey, I’ve decided to helps bros everywhere by listing off a few things I’ve learned that can help bros (and broettes) everywhere strengthen their friendships.
Make Time For Them The Same Way You’d Want Them To Make Time For You
I’m a pretty selfish person. I love to be in the spotlight more than anything so more often than I’d like I tend to make everything about me and disregard others. Every once in a while though, it’s important to set aside your own problems and help someone else with theirs. For as long as I’ve known him, it's always felt like Zak never had enough time in the day to do everything he needed to do. At the time he got engaged, his life consisted of working two jobs, running an engineering club, homework, and helping his fiancé plan their wedding. No matter how busy he was though, he always made time for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. Some of my favorite memories are when I’d wake him up at 4 a.m. to tell him details about the latest girl I had hooked up and he’d stay up and listen to every cringe inducing detail even though he had to be up at 7 that morning.
This is the kind of quality we should strive to have. No matter how busy we may be, we need to always make sure to make time for our friends when they need our help and be there for them when they ask. You may not be able to help them the second you need them, but as long as you put in an effort i think that's the only thing that'll matter.
When They Get A Girlfriend (or boyfriend if that’s what your bro’s into), Always Treat Them With Respect
To be honest, I totally failed this one the first time I had to deal with it. It’s never easy when your best friend gets a girlfriend because once they do, they’d rather spend all their time with them instead of with you. At least that’s how it feels in the beginning. I understand, I really do. I can’t tell you how many times I, myself, have blown off a friend or two when a girl with a pretty face sends me a text asking me to come over. We all do it, so we really have no right to be angry, but when our friends do it to us, it can infuriate us more than anything.
When Zak first started dating the girl who would eventually become his wife, it was rough on me. He was constantly spending every second of his free time with her and there were a few times where he simply blew me off to hang out with her. What made it even worse was that she was the kind of girl who absolutely couldn’t go five minutes without seeing him before she started freaking out. Because of this…I hated her. I hated her more than anyone I had ever met, and in turn she actually started to hate me. In truth, we were both just jealous of one another and a little territorial. I didn’t like the idea that someone was trying to “steal” my best friend away, so as a result I started to be a total ass to her.
If most people were to pull the kind of crap I did, I’m positive in saying that their friend would have stopped talking to them. I got lucky in the sense that Zak was able to not let my opinion and actions towards his girlfriend affect mine and his relationship but, do yourself a favor, save yourself some grief, and just treat your bro’s girlfriend with respect. Even if you can’t stand her just fake it till you make it. Be as polite as possible and if you really can’t handle it just distance yourself from her as much as possible but don’t be an ass about it. If your friend is dating this girl it means that she’s someone he cares about very much and you need to learn to respect that. He may never admit it out loud, but it probably does hurt him every time you throw a jab at her. If she really is a terrible person he’ll figure it out for himself. It’s not your job to tell him that though but rather just support him and be there for him. If he needs to talk about you his relationship then be a bro and listen to what he has to say and offer some advice if he needs it. You don’t have to like her but you do have to respect her. Let me tell you something though, she’s probably not as bad as you think she is and the sooner you figure that out the easier things will be. If you take the time to look at her, you’ll probably find that your buddies’ girlfriend makes him really happy and she treats him better than anyone. So just give her a chance bro!
Learn To Say Sorry And Also How To Forgive
I’m not a perfect person and as much as I’d like him to be neither is Zak. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in our friendship. I’ve done a lot to hurt, disappoint and anger him over the past six years and I’ve had to learn to swallow my pride and apologize. It’s not easy saying sorry to someone, no one likes to admit they were wrong but the sooner you can learn to admit your mistakes and say sorry the better life will be in general for you.
Even more important though is learning to forgive people when they mess up and let you down. Zak, as great of a friend as he’s been to me, has let me down a few times over the six years we’ve been friends but that’s only to be expected. It happens sometimes and we need to learn to not let it affect us and accept their apology when they offer it. If we don’t learn to forgive others and choose to hold in all of our anger, all it’s going to do is make us bitter and resentful. If we don’t learn to forgive others for their mistakes how can we ever expect them to forgive us of ours? Do yourselves a favor and don’t deny yourselves some kick ass memories just because you’re unwilling to accept the dudes’ apology.
If you were to ask Zak I’m sure he’d admit that it’s not always easy being friends with me. I’m selfish, dramatic and kind of an ass. He was the basketball star and I was the choir nerd. By social standards we should not be friends but somehow, out of the 7 billion people in the world, he chose me to be his best friend and it’s something I’m really grateful for. Despite all my faults and bad decisions he’s stuck by my side and had always been there for me and that's the kind of friend we should all strive to be. You’re never going to agree on everything, and you’re more than likely going to piss one another off often, but if you’re willing to put in the effort and not let the little things bother you, than you just might be lucky enough to form a friendship with someone that would even make Scooby and Shaggy jealous. So go out there and tell your best dude you love him. Take him out for some Taco Bell breakfast or an afternoon beer. Go out there and do your best to be the world’s best friend and I guarantee you that in turn, they’ll always do the same. In the words of my best friend, go out there and F.S.U.D.
