Everyone knows that death is inevitable. It is an obvious part of life, yet somehow it still shocks and throws us for a loop. We have scientists, psychologists, and doctors trying to find answers and ways for us to cope with death. We have pills, potions, and all these “magical" things that are meant to steady the chemical imbalance in our brains whilst we go through “the five stages of grief.” However, it is not always that simple, and while Mrs. Kubler-Ross’s model is an amazing guide through the human psyche, it does not apply to everyone.
It is a common fact that humanity is very complex and everyone grieves differently. Some of us are able to cope by using anti-depressants, there are those who turn to religion and some of us find sanctuary with our friends and family. But then there are some who cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel so what do they do? Do they rely on time to heal the wounds or possibly science? Or do we as a society over look these few pessimists and allow them to rot in their own depression?
I am only 20 years old, but I know for a fact there is at least a good chunk of the world’s population that we neglect because we cannot handle their negativity. We take ourselves out of the lives of these “Negative Nancies” and “Kevin Killjoys” in order for us to heal and go through our own stages of grief. We may even remove these people form our lives because we cannot handle the amount of grief they are facing, but does that not leave them out in a terrifying and cold world to fend for themselves? They are human too, and so like everyone else, they need to be able to vent and move on, even if their actions or words are all negative and do not help them or the people around them during a time of loss.
For the “Negative Nancies” and “Kevin Killjoys” I write to you my ideas on how you can grieve over a lost loved one in a world so bent on being “positive”:
Know who your friends are.
If you know you are prone to anxiety, stress, tears, and constant negativity then you need to be sure of who your real friends are. There needs to be a certainty that the people who are around you will be there for you through this awful time. Friends are part of your security blanket and there is no need to keep the wishy-washy and selfish ones around.
Fun fact: You really will find out who your friends are during this. If they cannot handle you crying over a lost loved one, then they are someone you will need to avoid. They are obviously not mature enough to understand that you are in pain and probably have yet to experience a loss on that level.
Cry when you need to and do not let anyone make you feel like a burden.
I do not recommend crying every second of the day but I do believe that when you need to, you absolutely should cry. You as a person already know how to express emotions but I am sure that at times people have made you feel like a burden because of your sensitivity. Continue to be honest and true to yourself and do not bottle up your feelings for the sake of others because that will only lead to an emotional explosion later on.
I know it is hard; but be as positive as you possibly can be.
Even if all you have is 10 percent, then allow yourself that 10 percent. Even that small amount of positivity can give you enough inspiration to get out of bed and it can help you carry on with your day. You do not have to delude yourself into feeling better like the majority of society does. All you need to know is that eventually the little rain cloud above your head will lighten up.
It will always hurt
It does not matter how long it has been you will always miss them. The pain of losing someone you love will never go away but it will be okay.
Fact: If the pain of losing this person disappears completely then they were a fleeting memory and could not truly have held a place in your heart.
Never forget…
Life and death are partners, depression and joy are friends. They are a part of this constantly rolling wheel we call life and they are valid. Death and sorrow are guaranteed as well as life and happiness. While you will always feel the pain of not having them by your side you have an obligation to keep their spirit and memory alive.
I give this final piece of advice to everyone who has lost someone. Never forget them.
Death is a natural part of life and you will always see those you love experience it. You one day will experience death as well and those who love you will grieve. Although it is terrifying remember you and everyone you love has been given this wonderful opportunity to be alive. While you yourself may point all the negatives I am sure you can see the positives in life as well. “Negative Nancies” and “Kevin Killjoys” just happen to cling onto negativity more than positivity because finding a support system during any traumatic experience is hard for them.
It is hard to trust in anything that is not tangible or to trust people who may go at any second as well. If you cannot rely on medicine, religion, or family during times like this then rely on time and yourself. Stay as strong as you can my dear pessimistic friends, I know you can make it. I hope that my advice helps you.
“Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around. No, it won’t all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.” – John Mayer
