How Music Saved Me And Continues To Do So
Health and Wellness

How Music Saved Me And Continues To Do So

An ode to the tunes that pulled me through.

12
Amplify

Things were never quite easy for me. Bullying started in elementary school, and continued through middle school, then finally ended in high school. The insecurity and self-hatred started somewhere in the midst. The anxiety and depression picked up with all of the rest. Therapy didn’t help, and I didn’t want medicine. But I was surviving. I was going out with friends, I was laughing, I was going to softball practice, I was passing all my classes. I made it. I look around at others around me who have or have had similar problems and saw that they ended up in a much darker place than I am. I always wondered what gave me strength. But now that I’ve grown, I can see what it was, and what it still is.

It’s music. Music has saved me. Music has got me through sessions of crying over nothing for hours at a time. Music has saved me from shallow, fast breaths on a train during a random panic attack. Music helped me when I was nine years old and came home from school crying because a boy on my bus thought it’d be funny to spit in my face. Music cheered me up when my beloved Papa died and I didn’t know how to feel.

One of my earliest memories with music was during the funeral/wake of my great grandmother. I was between four and six years old. I sat on the piano in the funeral home and proceeded to sing “Tomorrow” from Annie. I don’t remember doing this, and I don’t recall why I did it, but I did. And safe to say everyone smiled in that room, even if it was only for a minute. That memory has taught me how much music really can heal. I remember whenever I would cry over anything when I was younger I would sing through the tears. It’d almost always be Glee’s version of “Smile” by Charlie Chaplin… “Smile, and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through for you.” I would maybe cry for a little bit longer, but I would brush it off and continue with my day.

As I got older, the anxiety and depression never went away. It got worse towards the end of senior year and on. This past summer, the anxiety was the worst it’s ever been. But I had to suck it up. I had a job, I had a relationship that I needed to keep strong, I had tasks to accomplish for school in January, I had plans to travel… basically, I had to get sh-t done. And when you have to get things done, you have no time for anxiety or depression.

But it catches up with you. On the bus home from work I would think about all my regrets in life and how I should've never made those mistakes and how I’m the worst person in the world and basically just every terrible thought. I would get lightheaded and dizzy everyday and I would struggle to breathe and I would look around me and feel like the whole world was going to collapse right on top of me.

But it didn’t. I just opened my phone to my album of videos, and watched the video of my family singing around the piano at our Saint Patrick’s Day party. I opened my Spotify app and got myself pumped up listening to Chance the Rapper or Kanye West or Tory Lanez. I shut my eyes and listened to the Lumineers or Matt Corby (pictured above), and dozed off. And I survived, and I cleared my mind, and I decided - maybe I should try therapy and medicine. So I did.

I may not be where I want to be yet. But I’m here. I’m mentally sane. I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I’m not reckless. I fought through everything I went through. A lot of credit for me fighting through goes to the support of my mom, family and friends. But a lot goes to music.

Thank you, music.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

I Started Dating A Guy Before Quarantine, But Now We Rarely Speak Unless I Double-Text

"He's really nice and cute and I like being around him when we see each other, but he's awful at communication."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

This Is Exactly What You Should Eat Today In Quarantine, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

You've probably been eating it the past three months,

If we added up all the minutes of my life I've stood in front of the fridge or pantry mindlessly glazing over options, it would probably amount to several years longer than I'd care to admit.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

If You Don't Think People Are Legitimately Scared To Stay In Lockdown, Think Again

People are terrified of what could happen if states stay in lockdown too long.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to be the topic of discussion for most U.S. residents. From federal reopening guidelines to individual state timelines, the country is all over the place. This sparks conversations within the news, social media, and in family homes about the consequences of reopening the country incorrectly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

If You Don't Think People Are Legitimately Scared To Reopen States, You're Not Looking Hard Enough

People are terrified of what could happen if states begin reopening too early.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to be the topic of discussion for most U.S. residents. From federal reopening guidelines to individual state timelines, the country is all over the place. This sparks conversations within the news, social media, and in family homes about the consequences of reopening the country incorrectly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because You Need To Stretch It Out

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

Flexibility is an important part of life. Yes, you need to be able to go with the flow and adjust when needed, but literal, physical flexibility is equally handy. Not only does increased flexibility keep you safe from injury each time you work out, but a good stretch session is incredibly soothing after a long day. Your body goes through a lot! It needs to cool down and get loose after all the activities you put it through.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Amazing Things That Happened To Me When I Took Just A Week Off From Social Media

I've taken one-week off social media, and here's what I learned.


You’ll think clearer.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments