"Heathers: The Musical" Songs Ranked From Best To Worst

We all know how much of a cultural impact the 1989 movie "Heathers" made, but what about "Heathers: The Musical"? Murder, sex, and teen depression: no wonder why "Riverdale" chose this production for their musical episode. Below is a list of my personal ranking of the songs because a dark comedy and singing is a perfect mix.

Warning: This article contains spoilers for "Heathers" and "Heathers: The Musical."

1. "Dead Girl Walking"

If you are going to be socially murdered, what would be the last thing you want to? Make dirty with the new loner bad boy, of course. Plus, Barrett Wilbert Weed's vocals in this are insane. She must do some serious warm-ups.

2. "Candy Store"

The three most popular girls in your high school are trying to make you one of them. "Shut up, Heather!" Heather Chandler always has to have the spotlight, even when she's committed suicide. Or really murdered.

3. "Big Fun"

If you came here just because of Tik-Tok, this is the song where the popular audio is located. A song about underage drinking, drugs, sex, basically underage everything.

4. "Beautiful"

A correct representation of high school.

5. "Seventeen (Reprise)"

I love the both the original and reprise version, but this one just hits different. Mostly because all of the harmonies. There's nothing more terrifying than becoming an adult and not getting to be a child anymore.

6. "Fight for Me"

We've all had that crush that we've fantasized about starting a life with and eventually marrying when we don't even know their name. I see you, Veronica Sawyer.

7. "Freeze Your Brain"

Instead of doing cocaine, have a slushie instead! This song explains why J.D. is the way he is which is immensely messed up.

8. "Seventeen"

Again, such an emotional song. This version is ranked lower because while still beautiful,

9. "Lifeboat"

Extremely moving for anyone who has felt like taking their own life. While H. Chandler did not actually commit suicide, H. McNamara attempted to and you can hear the desperation in her voice for the pain to all go away. Goosebumps.

10. "The Me Inside Of Me"

A forged suicide note due to Veronica's special penmanship abilities. Representing mostly every school and their policy on mental health, the principal debates on canceling school after the tragic loss of one student, the most popular one at that.

11. "I Am Damaged"

Honest ~chills~ whenever I hear this song. J.D. knows he's fudged things up, especially with Veronica so his solution is to blow himself up with the bomb he placed (to kill the whole student body) to save her. True love?

12. "Our Love Is God"

Did I mention how messed up this musical is?

13. "Dead Girl Walking: Reprise"

Veronica Saywer on her way to save the day! And surprise, she actually didn't commit suicide like so many in this production have attempted. Heathers, Martha, y'all don't have a guidance counselor?

14. "My Dead Gay Son"

When your dead gay son attends his own funeral . . . But seriously, homophobia is not cool, folks. "Two bros sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they're not gay."

15. "Shine a Light"

Shine a light, everything will be OK.

16. "Blue"

Literally a song about blue balls.

"Heathers: The Musical" will be touring the UK in 2020. Book your tickets over to Europe now. Until then, keep listening to the vulgarity of the musical and jamming out.

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