In an effort to put together the cumulative experience of the Harvard Class of 2019 in their freshman year, I have summed up all our experiences in this listicle. Some of it is false. Have a great summer, love you all and Harvard, too. Also check out these other Harvard listicles, which I am including because they improve search engine results- "10 Signs You're A Harvard Freshman", "The ABC's That Only People From Harvard Will Get", "The 21 People You Will Meet At Harvard."
1. You run primal scream.
You hope the girl from your Math Ma section notices you. She does. She laughs. This is photographed, and makes the front page of the Crimson.
2. Your profile picture is with John Harvard.
You are sitting on his lap like he is Santa. You ask him for an A in expos. He disappoints.
3. Your first memory of Harvard is the Cortelco ITT-2500-V-RD na 1-Handset Landline Telephone.
You don’t understand why there’s only one per suite. When someone asks you for your phone number you give them “the (617) 495” ;)
4. Half of the students in your hardest class never show up.
They knew this material in high school. You’ve requested and seen your admissions file and know you didn’t get in for academics, extracurriculars, wealth, legacy status, or diversity. You either got in by divine intervention, or have been dreaming this whole time. You thank God before you go to bed.
5. Harvard is constantly in the news.
Your dad calls you asking about placemats. Donald Trump accepts your school newspaper’s chair-based endorsement. Someone laughs at you because inmates beat your debate team. Reporters ask every student why they’re voting for Bernie. Every student is actually voting for Hillary.
6. You cry whenever you get your termbill.
Tears of joy. You overhear a discussion on why we shouldn’t donate to Harvard.
7. You go to Harvard-Yale unironically.
You wind up in a frat party. You question their social scene. Later that semester you spend a week locked in the Lampoon castle, unironically.
8. Whenever someone asks if they should take CS50 you give them the most honest answer you can:
“Skip it. Take CS125, 263, and 283 with me.” Taking more than one CS class is hard but definitely doable.
9. You get a personalized weather report every time you log into Facebook.
You begrudgingly like the post informing you that your flight will be delayed and that Punxsutawney Phil predicts only the last two days on campus will be warm. Your roommate starts wearing a t-shirt and shorts when the weather hits 40 again.
10. You know Tomislav “The Lamonster” Zabcic-Matic.
Dank Memes. Dank. Memes.
11. You look forward to Tuesday brain breaks.
But you never like the Facebook post about them because the person who posts them stole your company.
12. As you wait in line for Felipe’s someone starts rubbing your neck with theirs.
They invite you to a foursome. You become a regular at El Jefe’s.
13. You look out your window because it's really loud outside.
You see Jimmy Fallon riding a pony. Typical.
14. You like how the science center looks.
In fact, you wish every building looked like a Polaroid camera. The Science Center Plaza is your favorite makeout spot on campus.
15. A prefrosh asks you what your favorite part about Harvard is.
You think about the amnesty policy. You answer about the people.
16. A prefrosh asks you what the most surprising part about Harvard is.
You think about the air conditioning. You answer about the air conditioning.
17. You’re happy to have an unlimited meal plan, but the dining hall closes at 7:15 p.m.
There was a praying mantis in your salad once. You wondered if you should just eat those tortillas you’d been holding onto since FOP. Or the Harvard Turkey.
18. You've been to 12 hackathons.
You fill out a form to be a HackHarvard organizer. No response. Underqualified as usual. At least your resume looks better than the statue by Widener it took all year to erect.
19. You don't live in a famous person's room. That upsets you.
Wait. Of course you don't live in a famous person's room. Weren't you rejected by Harvard? You wake up.
