Getting out of a rocky relationship is tough. The last thing you need is your friends trying to force you into getting a new boy/girl immediately after. Every relationship is different, but from my own experience, I think people need to realize a few things about newly single persons.
Here they are:
1. We're not broken.
No, I don't think I could never love again. No, I don't want to talk about it all the time. Yes, reasonably so, I'm upset that I wasted my time with someone that wasn't good for me. Yes, I'm somewhat lonely. But guess what? This isn't the end all. As everyone says, there are plenty of fish in the sea and if anything, from catching this one, I learned to throw the ones like him back in and only accept a higher quality. The sadness is temporary. Don't harp on it, it only makes us feel worse.
2. We don't want a "rebound."
People seem to get this misconception that the best way to move on is to find someone else. Let me tell you from personal experience, it's one of the worst mistakes you could make. Being single is about loving yourself and learning who you are. Rushing into something you're not mentally 100% invested in is spreading yourself thin and honestly, its not fair to the person you rush into things with. So don't try and set me up with someone the day after a break up, and please stop telling me I have to start dating again. I will when I'm ready…and that's not right now.
3. Yes, it's really over.
Don't ask me if were going to try and talk it out. Don't ask me if we're going to get back together. I know for myself, when something is done, it's really finished. There is no going back. Ending a relationship is the last resort when 'working it out' didn't end up changing anything. There were more negatives than positives and it may have taken a while to figure out, but there's no rewind once it's said and done. The past is the past, don't try and give it presence.
4. Being single isn't a bad thing.
I learn the most about myself when I'm single. I live a way less stressed out, and drama less lifestyle when I'm single. I appreciate and love myself more when I'm single. I don't have to worry about pleasing someone else, I can do whatever I want whenever and with whoever I please, and I get to focus on the person that I want to become. Just because I don't have a significant other to tell every detail of my life to doesn't mean I'm lacking something. It makes me more independent and learn how to stand on my own two feet. I don't need to rely on someone else, don't make me feel bad about that.
College contains the years of your life when you're supposed to explore yourself. Who are you? What do you like? What do you want in the long term? Being single, gives me the freedom to focus on these questions and lead myself to the life I ultimately want to be living.
The next time you try and approach your newly single friend, remember these things. I'm sure they'll be grateful.
