So, last year, I joined the Tinder community just to see what it was like. I've never experienced online dating but my best friend pretty much introduced me. I wasn't really into it and plus, I watch way too many documentaries and movies about meeting psychos online. I met a few people and we hit it off, and some were just straight awkward.
Over the course of the months using Tinder, I've met pretty interesting guys. I can definitely say that there's a pattern and a category of the different types of guys you see on Tinder. Here are some of the types:
1. The guy who's always partying
Trust me, we all know this guy. This dude always has a red solo cup in his hand, a sweat stain on his shirt, and the background is always a different bar. Sometimes you wonder, does this dude even go to class? He also probably has a tally mark of his body count so stay away from these types girl!
2. "I'm just here for a good time not a long time," or the "I just want to have sex."
Translation: "I'm just here to smash and dip." We all know these types of guys—they live up to Tinder's stereotypes. Somewhere in his journal or his "notes" section on his iPhone, he has a list of all of the girl's names he had sex with. And yes, unfortunately, 70 percent of Tinder's dating pool usually consists of these guys.
3. The animal lover...
To be specific, DOGS are the most common animal picture. No one wants to pet a mean cat who's probably going to scratch you for looking at them wrong. This is a trick guys use to pull you in. They just want you to swipe right and ask to pet their dog. But you can't pet them until you have sex with them. Stop being distracted by the Weiner dog in his hotdog costume and focus sis.
4. The guy who is in a group picture in EVERY photo.
Like damn, which one am I talking to? You would think that you're talking to the tall guy in the photo, but then when you guys actually meet, he was the short guy with the yellow teeth.
5. The couple that's looking for a threesome.
Yeah, absolutely not. Their bios begin with, "Just a fun-loving couple who's just trying to have some more fun." Or something like, "Just trying to spice up the bedroom a little." I came across a couple before and it was really weird. I never swiped right for obvious reasons but i wonder if people are actually interested and swipe.
6. The catfish...
We always run into these unfortunately. If you don't show me a picture or video of you with a spoon on your nose the first day, I'm un-matching you with the quickness. I've seen my friends gets played and I'm not about to let that happen. I'm not expressing my feelings to a 7-year-old boy. I don't understand why people catfish others because you're going to meet them eventually.
7. The 60-year-old man looking for a "companion."
I think you're on the wrong website sir, you should be on the Sugar Daddy apps. But then again, you can set your age range to whatever you want. If your age range is set until 70, you might have a problem. But then again, do you.
8. The dude who NEVER has money....or simply the BROKE one
I've had a few guys before who just NEVER have money. If you're broke and live in an off-campus apartment and have a CAR, I don't want to hear it. Get up and get a job then. It may seem fun to be with that person at first, but then after a while you become their mom and you're always paying for them. Fellas, it's such a turn off. If he asks "how you getting here?" STAY HOME SIS! He is not worth that Lyft/Uber ride.
9. The overly-passionate liberal dude who insists on ranting about politics.
Them: "I CAN'T STAND OUR PRESIDENT HE NEEDS TO BE IMPEACHED ALREADY WTF! WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT GENOCIDE AND FOREIGN AFFAIRS?"
If all you have to talk about is politics, you should have swiped right on Hillary Clinton, not me...
10. The sarcastic guy who's always making jokes.
These guys are actually funny. They'll either tell it like it is or make you laugh. My bio is pretty sarcastic too, so I always tend to go for guys who at least have a sense of humor for once!
11. The one whose profile consists nothing but cars.
I'm not interested in getting to know a Lamborghini, that you probably don't own.
12. The ex-con, or the dude who is always in and out of jail.
The only reason why he's "interested" in you is because you said that you have a job and to him, that's commissary money sweetie. RUN or you'll be "holding it down" for the next 10 years of your life.
13. The overly sensitive guy.
Sensitive guys are actually the sweetest but annoying at the same. But you can't be crying when I have a different opinion than you. All I said was that I don't like "Star Wars." Calm down.
14. The drug dealer
NOPE! I also remember some guy swiped on me just to ask me who is selling the best goods on campus. But these types of hardcore dealers are ones you should stay away from. Eventually, they'll ask you to make a delivery...nope.
15. The complete weirdo (who probably super-liked you)
Some of their profiles are funny and are just meant for jokes. But I remember that one time I came across that weirdo who had a gun to his head. Yeah, time to delete the app. Most of the men who super-like me look like sex offenders and it weirds me out.
16. The redneck
You know, the one posed next to the deer he just killed...and is possibly cooking it for dinner.
17. The aspiring SoundCloud rapper who only wants you to listen to their music.
I can't tell you the number of times I've had DMs from dudes asking me to give their mixtape a listen. I honestly can't even tell you if it's trash or not because I would un-match them instantly.
18. The dude who's clearly married but claims to be "separated."
Yeah, okay William. Who is that in your third pic? Not your "cousin" again.
19. The so-called WHOLESOME man
Ladies, these men who use this term are the absolute WORST. STAY AWAY FROM THESE MEN! I don't even need any more further explanation for this because you should already know.
20. The religious dude (who shouldn't even be on this app in the first place)
You always get one dude here and there. I can respect the fact that they're looking for a relationship too. But let me tell you one thing, I know good and well that Tinder is the WORST activity for a religious man, especially if the app is full of people wanting to hook-up. But you are lucky if you find a relationship so I can't hate.
21. The one with a kid.
I didn't sign up to be a step-mom or another baby mama. Are your kids even okay with this? If you're looking for a babysitter, just go to care.com PLEASE.
22. The adventurous one. No seriously, every picture is a different scene!
I'm so jealous because these guys are traveling everywhere! Hopefully if we hit it off enough maybe I'll get to go too. I've always wanted to play with elephants in Thailand so do you want to invite a plus one?
23. The guy who is fake "woke."
These kind of guys will talk your ear off about slavery and all of that. Some way, some how, the conversation always leads back to race and the justice system. I like learning about that stuff, but it starts to get annoying while we're out to dinner, please stop.
24. The poetic guy who is really into art.
They lure you in with their artistic skills and then BOOM, you just spent $600 on splatter paint.
25. The one who INSISTS that you should know about his height or penis size.
Listen Jake, no one cares if you're 6'4 with a huge thing down there. If you don't have a good personality then this conversation is over. If this is all you have to offer then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship.
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