Dating is a weird subject for me, mostly because I never had the interest when I was in high school. I was perpetually busy, something that has not really changed now, but growing older and seeing the people around me dating/marrying slowly made me reconsider. It is not that I never want to get married, but I know that relationships come with compromise, and I do not want to compromise who I am. If I have to live alone with several cats and an ever-growing Star Wars collection, then so be it.

When you type a statement like that, you sound confident and self-assured. That is not the case for me. Downloading the popular app “Tinder” was nerve wracking enough, but Tinder comes with its own stigmas. The app is popular for being a “hook-up” app, which given the mechanics, it lends itself very easily to that. At the insistence of two friends, both who do not even know the other, I was told I should give it try.

I did, and it was interesting.

As much as I love the toned abs of Chris Evans, I don’t look for the same traits in the people around me as I do with movie stars. Being model-esque is not a requirement for me, but humor, a decent understanding of Star Wars and someone who is willing to put up with rants is.

So, I set up an account, I selected photos that represented me both personality wise and physically. I did let my friend write my bio for me because I was interested in knowing how she perceived me. In the end, she wrote a very spot on description that included my deep love for Star Wars.

I swiped left for a while till I worked up the courage to actually swipe right.

Let me tell you that I was at odds with it. The online world is vast and very scary, much like the ocean. There are stories of success, but also stories of horror. As a woman, my safety is a very real concern and so my decision to engage with other men through this app was not made lightly. But, I also knew that I had significant control on my end. I could choose not to physically meet somebody, thus ensuring my own safety. On the other end, I also had to consider my own physicality.

I am a plus-size woman. I have accepted this, but society is still behind in some regards and apps built around the attractiveness of the user do not make life any easier. I’m confident in my body, but willingly subjecting yourself to the scrutiny of others is still nerve-wracking. Even more so when you actually converse with someone. You make yourself vulnerable.

One of the first people I matched with shared similar interests, but I found the conversation tedious.

Then, I learned of the app "Bumble", which requires the women to be the ones to engage first with their matches in an attempt to give women the upper hand in the conversation, and to avoid the nasty comments that are sent to them. There is something refreshing, being the one to take the plunge first.

I was already analyzing my experience, so why not give it a try, right?

I am not going to lie and tell you I have great skills with interacting with guys, because I honestly do not. I have male friends, several to be honest, but they are people I have known for years. I lived in a women’s dorm for two years where the majority of my friends resided, meaning they were female like me. I am also awkward in general, but I mask it using the knowledge from my studies.

However, a week of using dating apps made me a little more confident in myself. Was it the validation that other men saw something of interest? Possibly, but I can live without that. I will admit that I am a tad bit vain in that regard, but only if for the fact that I have spent a lot of my life doubting myself. It was more of the knowledge that I was interesting enough that someone was just as willing to engage with me as I was them. Maybe it was for good and wholesome reasons, maybe it was not. The mechanics of the app do not allow for much else, truth be told.

Another amusing discovery I had made is the upper-hand I have in an electronic conversation. I am Communications major, specializing in Public Communications, which is essentially the act of the communicating. As such a person, I enjoy engaging conversations that are not draining. I cannot be the only person engaged in the conversation. Admittedly, I’ve conversed with most of the people I have matched with via Bumble and Tinder. I have initiated most of the conversations with questions related to whatever I could glean from bios or pictures, often times nerd-related things like Star Wars.

A tip, to anyone, is that you should not let the conversation sour. It cannot be one-sided with one person provided information. Communication is transactional in that there must be give and take. I found that I lost interest quickly in people who had nothing to offer in the conversation.

Are dating apps superficial? Most definitely, but they do make the work of connecting and meeting people much easier. I work two jobs on top of being a full-time student. I barely have time to breath some weeks. I would love to nourish the romantic ideas of instantly connecting with someone in person, but my culture has moved away from that. Aziz Ansari, though a comedian, wrote about the radically different landscape of dating and romance. We have more control over who we meet and seek out, but it also is more problematic. We are no longer confined by geographic restrictions in selecting romantic partners, but we do agonize over the freedom of choice because we have to live with the idea of what-if.

There really no big takeaway from my experience other than I know who I am and what kind of person I want to spend my time with. In the end, I think that is really important.