The smell of fertilizer mixed with the deep heaving motion of my chest was as tangible as the blanket wrapped around my cold body. "In through your mouth, out through your mouth," I silently told myself. The constant rhythmic motion of my chest gasping for any air, no matter how small, was a familiar ache. The old scene once again crept into my head. It consisted of me running around a track in junior high. I would look out beyond the gated track and see the fields for miles. I often wonder what would it be like to have lungs that just worked; to be like the greens of the field and be able to breath in fresh oxygen. But in the words of my friend Hazel, "My lungs sucked at being lungs" (Fault in our Stars).
From a young age I was diagnosed with Asthma, and as I grew into a teenager my asthma seemed to worsen. The doctors offered me no hope, but more or different medications. No one could tell me what was wrong with me. Running and exercise became a daily struggle, but not because of will power. My body just simply refused to cooperate with what I demanded it do.
As I grew older my asthma seemed to get a lot better. I was able to exercise and live a healthy life style. With this increase in health I decided to start taking up running. I wanted to prove to asthma that I had won. I remember when I started running. I started with running just a mile and had to retrain my brain to breathe. It was okay; my body was fine. Running became just as much as a mental exercise as a physical one. But I was up for the challenge. Over the years I have continued running. This summer however I decided to take it to the new level. I was going to train for a half marathon.
So as I have begun this training, I have learned a few things.
First off, I wanted to run a half marathon to prove to the world that I could do something. However, running to prove something is just an ending point. Once I am done, what will I have accomplished but something else off my check list and a gold metal? I want so much more out of life than a checklist. Once I accomplish this, I know that I will want to accomplish something else. The end is never satisfying. I wanted a started point.
As I began to train, I realized in order to keep this goal I needed to enjoy the process. Once that half marathon is over; it's done. I will take a selfie, hold up my metal, and have a new t-shirt in my drawer. However, there is great potential in learning something through this training process. Long after the marathon ends, I will have the lessons learned added to my life.
Third, I began to see how important the commitment process is. If you want to train for a half-marathon you have to be committed. No one goes from running just three miles to 13.1 miles overnight. I had to devise a training schedule and commit to it. For me this means waking up early and running before I go to work. The evenings don't work for my schedule. I had to build in that commitment piece into my life. But I think it is worth it. I have always been an early riser (well maybe not 4 a.m...) but the mental discipline to commit to something will help me in all other areas of my life.
Fourth and final, failure is apart of the process. I teach high schoolers and we go over failure a lot. However sometimes teachers get a taste of their own medicine and this was it. A couple weeks ago I got sick and it started to move into my lungs. Five days later, three days spent in bed, and a few antibiotics I was on the road to recovery and two weeks set back on my training. My lungs become weak with an invasion of infection and did not come around quickly. Set back and failure is apart of the training process.
It's apart of the process I committed myself to joining when I set on this road to run a half-marathon, and I am excited to see where this road leads.
