how to get over an abusive relationship

To The Person Who Left An Abusive Relationship, You Will Find Your Freedom

Trust me, I know its hard and the truth is, it only gets better with time.


Every day I look in the mirror and all I see is a person who is lost, confused, hurt, and angry. I'm lost because he made me think I was someone that I was not, and I'm confused because now that he is gone from my life I do not know what to believe and I don't even know if I have a personality disorder that he claimed I had.

Better yet I don't know if I am a good person everyone says I am. I'm angry because I loved this guy more than I love myself and I trusted him with all my feelings and even my rough upbringing. Someway, somehow he led me to believe that everything about me he said is true.

Every day is an uphill battle for me. I have to wake up every day and be strong for myself. I have to keep reminding myself that he is never going to change and that I am better off without him. I have to tell myself that I am a beautiful person, even on days where it's hard to believe. Some days are better than other days. I admit there are times when I just want to give up.

Because of him, I am nonchalant in public settings because I am still afraid that if I express my emotions, I am crazy. Although I am a genuine person I can act cold and for that I am sorry. I am afraid that whatever emotion I express I would get belittled. I honestly do not know when things will get better to the point where I can express my emotions but I am slowly getting there.

I still remember the night that I had almost committed suicide because of words that were said about me a few days prior. He made me feel ugly both on the inside and out, and even though I had expressed to him how things that he says hurts me, it would always lead to him acting like he was the victim, when in reality I was the victim.

It had seemed like I was never pretty to him and I became alone to where I started having sex with another guy to fill the void (although that itself was not a good idea).

Every day I have to remind myself that I am the only person I have. This relationship taught me how cruel people can be even if it is not in a physical way. I thank the man above me every day for getting me out of that relationship because had I graduated and moved in with him, things could have been more worse. Thanks to people who were also in his life, I got to learn the harsh truths about him and how lucky I am.

People may ask why I stayed with him for as long as I did although I had seen so many red flags. What I will say is that when I met him I was in a bad place already. I just wanted someone who I can go to and who can take my mind off of the things that were going on in my own life. I wanted someone who wouldn't make me feel as if I had no friends and that I was unlikable. I guess when it came to finding an outlet through other people I always have bad luck.

Getting out of a toxic relationship is hard but at the end of the day, it is worth it. One thing that people need to know is that time heals all wounds but it is also the things you do that helps as well.

After my break-up, I started writing more and reaching out to friends. I also got the haircut that I always wanted but my ex said was "too masculine." I started to smile more and become a bit more confident knowing that I didn't need to impress anyone but myself. That is what freedom from abuse looks like.

Popular Right Now

13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.


These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Lust Does Not Last, Follow Love If You're Actually Serious

Lust is superficial, love is rooted in substance.


It can be easy to get caught up in the nuance of what is new, what is pretty, what seems like the most attractive option, to a point where it is distracting from what is real and what is best for you and your happiness. I've been confronted by this lesson time and time again over the years, in my professional life, in my school life, especially in dating and relationships. It can be so easy to mistake lust for love, that we become blind to how misleading it really can be.

I was accepted into a nationally ranked graduate school program that would have cost more than it was actually worth, and I kept fighting for it, regardless of how truly impractical it was and how difficult it would have been for me, financially. I was illusioned and kept justifying it to fill a void of insecurities. If I went, then I must be a worthwhile person. I was caught up in all the certification programs, how beautiful the school was, and how I would be close by to all my favorite museums, being surrounded by all sorts of coffee shops. I didn't think of the repercussions of actually going which, in reality, would have involved burying myself in loans for a profession I was not in love with.

I know my purpose involves helping people, advocating for those who can't advocate for themselves and fostering creativity in all areas of my life, in my writing, my art, and my approach to life. I can fulfill my purpose without mortgaging my future and my life away, for a degree in a field I was settling for. I am grateful to my parents and my best friends for being patient with my process. I do reach complete disillusionment, eventually.

I was forced to confront this very same lesson when I got involved with individuals who did not know what they wanted, for their future, their careers, or their relationships. I felt strung along and the overall uncertainty was far more triggering than I wished it to be. I was infatuated by the idea of having someone, even if it meant settling for someone who was not right for me. I was in lust with the idea of love, instead of just being in love with a person I generally liked and enjoyed; in lust with a fantasy of an idea of love.

Thankfully, I was forced to come to my senses when my roommate told me she saw the guy who had been blowing me off and stringing me along for months, on Tinder. That same night, I set up a Tinder account to see for myself, though I had been terrified by that dating app and its association with hookup culture. After setting up my profile, I matched with someone who has become both my friend and my boyfriend. He knew what he wanted, which was an exclusive relationship, and the uncertainty issue was no longer prevalent, at least not with us, for which I am so grateful.

Lust does not always relate to feelings for another person. It's possible to become in lust with ideas: ideas of people, ideas of what could be, ideas of what could have been, ideas of how it could be if one variable was changed, or if someone had been different than they actually are, and the list goes on. Lust is a form of infatuation, and eventually, the glamor fades away, and if you don't like what you see, then you really need to re-evaluate the situation, and possibly even yourself.

Lust never lasts; it is based on floating fantasies and short-term solutions. Love, however, takes work, takes time, takes effort; it is a process rooted in substance, which, at the end of the day, makes it worthwhile in the long-run.

Related Content

Facebook Comments