I have been vegan for 1 year and 7 months.

In that time, I can honestly say that being vegan was such an enriching experience; I had more energy AND I got to stand up for animal rights.

But let me tell you: it was not easy.

Coming from Memphis, TN, aka Barbeque Nation, it is by far the hardest thing I have done.

I would have never made it this far without my parents, family friends or friends. It is the home cooked Indian food that made this so easy for me. It was the willingness to replace chicken with tofu that made this easy.

But I am sorry to say it but my “vegan powers” have run out.

College this semester has been hard.

I have physically and mentally drained myself out.

The pain started in my shins and my calfs (initially, the pain was because of overuse). But the doctors said I should be healed in 4 weeks.

By September, I was in a boot.

The pain spread through my thighs and my back.

By November, I had to start having bi-weekly physical therapy appointments to work on those back issues.

But now, it is almost January. That is way more than 4 weeks. So why am I not healing? What is going on with my body?

Why do I have so much pain all over my body? It comes and goes. My arms, legs, thighs, shoulders and abdomen-if you touch certain parts of my body, it feels like a new bruise. I often feel it when I am just sitting in bed. Something is going on with my nerves, veins and/or muscles.

And these are only the physical factors.

I have always been a pretty anxious person, but this semester, the anxiousness became unbearable.The thoughts in my head constantly told me “I wasn’t good enough”. The only place I could relax these thoughts was either in my dorm or in the library. The constant anxiety started to impact my grades, classroom focus and relationships with friends.

I felt fatigued. I would be too fatigued to go to meetings or too anxious to become involved in organizations. I put the “pro” in procrastination.

Let’s just say it was a rough semester. But I know it doesn’t have to be this rough. I know some people who couldn't have had a better semester. And I certainly know that I shouldn't have to feel like I am about to collapse at 4pm everyday.

I am tired of trying different ways to feel better. I do the stretches my physical therapist assigns (twice a day). I drink a lot of water. I take my multivitamins. I even started meditating this past week to overcome the anxiousness and ease my mind. I exercise whenever my body can.

So that is why over this winter break, I sort of evaluated my life. What was so different from that healthy girl who I was my senior year of high school?

The difference is my eating habits.

Vegan diets are thought to cause anxiety and many health issues, if it is done wrong.

I have been researching a lot recently. With a vegan diet, it is so easy to become deficient in nutrients that are necessary for the body. One of the biggest symptoms of a calcium deficiency is numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, and the back of legs. Calcium is also important for maintaining strong bones and controlling nerve function. Maybe that is why I ended up in a boot for a few months? Maybe that is why my nerves have been having problems?

http://www.stewartnutrition.co.uk/nutritional_asse...

All of the symptoms I have had are related to one of the deficiencies, under the category of calcium, iron, B1, B12 and Biotin.

In highschool, almost every night, my mom would cook some delicious, nutritious Indian (vegan) food. I could always rely on her food to give me most of the nutrients I needed to be healthy. I got my protein and iron from the lentils and tofu, my vitamins from the vegetables and calcium from the soy milk.

Now? Things are a little different. I have to feed myself on a budget. Without a kitchen, it is difficult to cook meals every day. With a small, mini-fridge, I do not have the room for a lot of groceries. Even more, when I get focused on an assignment, sometimes it just becomes easier to skip a meal, then to go on a hunt for vegan food.

Furthermore, I am not a nutritionist. I am probably doing a million things wrong. It is hard to incorporate the nutrients I need when I know nothing about nutrition.

From what I am seeing, it may be easier for me to be healthier as a non-vegan, then as a vegan.

Vegan diets do work for some people; in fact, I know people at college who are doing great with it. I applaud them. You just have to be able to do it properly. It truly depends on the person.

Maybe one day I will come back to be a vegan. One day when I have more time, money and when I am healthier. Maybe one day when I have a vegan friend to do this with me.

For this next semester, my new years resolution is that I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy the things about college that I have not been able to. I want to do better in school and learn to share my opinion to total strangers. I want to be confident, for once in my life.

This experience has taught me the importance of taking care of yourself. I didn't understand, until a few days ago, the damaging effects that malnutrition can truly have on the body. Malnutrition does not necessarily mean "eating too little"; it means "eating too little of the right stuff".

Being vegan was not a contract.

One thing I have learned is that sometimes it is okay to put yourself in front of others. This time, I am putting myself in front of the animals. I care about animals and I care about the environment. I am not quitting on either of them; I just need to focus a little time and energy on getting myself better so that I can have more energy to help others.

Maybe, in my future career I will figure out a way to make veganism a more livable lifestyle for college students.