Growing up with depression and anxiety has been the most difficult part of my existence. Watching my friends go through it hurt just as much. Every day, I find something new that I hate about myself, or a new reason for my friends to abandon me. So many people struggle with these mental disorders and more, and there is no worse definition of "normal." We are often told to "just be happy," or to "calm down" or that "it's just a phase." As if our demons aren't real, our problems not significant. The mainstream media is no help.
A trigger warning is not a meme; it's necessary. Sexual assault victims, war veterans, and self-harmers need one when something might bring back their worst memories. It is common courtesy, not Brendon Urie shopping at Ross. Being triggered is not overreacting; it is not funny. It is serious and it could lead to something awful. Have some respect.
Self-harm is not beautiful. Being so consumed by your self-hatred to the point where you think you need to tear your skin open is not something to be proud of. It is destructive. Looking down at the old scars is a constant reminder that you've been through the worst. They are battle scars, and we all have PTSD. Stop telling me they are the marks of an angel that never found her wings, stop trying to convince me that there is positivity to be found within the blood stain; there's not.
Wanting to kill yourself is not something to be taken lightly. You cannot tell me you would rather be dead and expect me to be okay with it, especially considering I was supposed to be gone two years ago. Suicidal thoughts are not part of a healthy person's thought process. How long will it be before we hear "I wish I were dead" or "kill me now," and respond with concern rather than "same?"
Stop wishing to be in my position. My disorders are not trendy. They affect my relationships and my self-esteem, and sometimes the only reason I don't hurt myself is because I don't think I'll be able to make it this far again. Sometimes I only stay alive so that my dog won't have to wonder why I never came home. I wish I could change the way my brain is wired, but I can't. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and I know that anyone going through it would say the same.
The internet needs to stop making our situation look desirable; it is one of the most painful things you can go through. You can't run away from your problems if they're in your own mind. Having your mood shift drastically in a matter of minutes is not fun. Crying yourself to sleep, questioning the sincerity of everyone around you, even those you think really care, takes a toll. Constant negativity, apologizing when you're not to blame, never doing anything right... it is not something to be longed for.
There is so much more to mental illness than people realize. It's not poetic, it is in no way romantic, it is something to be taken seriously. Ask anyone struggling with a mental disorder, and they will tell you the same thing. We are fighting a never-ending war, and every day is another battle. All we ask for is a little understanding and a little respect. Help us along the way, and be grateful you are not in our shoes.
