“Let’s not talk about it.” “It’s not serious.” “It’s not real.” “You’re fine.” “It’ll pass.”
Those phrases are what people tell those who have a mental illness, and I’ll be frank...it pisses me off. All mental illnesses are serious and won’t just “pass,” but there’s one illness I want to talk about specifically: depression.
Sure, you can feel sad and lonely without being depressed, but you can also feel sad and lonely and be depressed. Depression is a medical issue where chemicals in one’s brain is unbalanced; however, it’s not that simple. Depression is usually associated with traumatic events. It is also genetic and can occur at any moment. This is what I don't think many people understand.
What really bothers me is people’s response to someone feeling depressed or suicidal is. “You’re just going through a rough patch.” No! If someone trusts you enough to confide in you about something so serious you don’t turn them away. If you personally don’t know what to say to that person just be there for them and listen to them. Most people with depression, or with any mental illness for that matter, don’t know how to be vocal or reach out for the help they need, and I believe that it’s because of the way people react to the topic in general. If we as a society don’t take mental illness seriously then no one is going to feel comfortable asking for help. By trying to ignore the issue at hand, those with mental illness turn to drugs, self-harm and suicide...or just become totally unstable. I know this from experience.
For five years I’ve progressively felt depressed. I didn't want my family and friends to look at me differently or be disappointed in me, so I ended up lying to myself by saying I'm overreacting. I’ve always been the nice girl who has it all figured out. I was the cheerleading captain, drama free and always puts others before myself. I’ve always been that girl because that’s what people expected of me and because that’s I expected of myself. I’ve spent my whole life trying to satisfy everyone all the time and let me tell you, it’s exhausting. Now, I’m living in a totally different state of mind. I don't have friends, and I have no idea who I am as a person. Yeah...it kind of sucks.
Recently I told my boyfriend and my mom about how I’ve been feeling. You might be wondering why after five years I decided to speak up now. My mood swings became more frequent. I didn’t want to do anything but sleep. I had no energy and I couldn't associate with anyone voluntarily. I was so mentally exhausted I had no interest in anything. For over six months I started to have suicidal thoughts. The suicidal thoughts became so bad to where I actually came up with three different ways I could do it. I harmed myself by bouncing between starving myself for days at a time while working out like a mad woman and purposely under-eating. Although I’m not nearly as bad as I was a few months ago. I still under-eat every now and again out of fear of becoming overweight, but now my body is used to it. Now I have to force myself to eat even when I’m not hungry. Every time I pass a mirror I stop, lift off my shirt, suck in my stomach and pinch my fat. The amount of fat I could pinch is what determined how much I ate for that day. In addition, my social anxiety has progressed as well (I swear I have no idea how to speak to a stranger, let alone make friends). So, after noticing how much this depressed feeling progressed, I spoke up and now I am on medications and go to therapy. Don’t get me wrong—I’m still struggling and I probably always will. But let me tell you, learning to love myself is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I have a wonderful mother who is the strongest woman I know, two older sisters who are my best friends and life tour guides, a boyfriend who has taught me how to appreciate someone in all aspects and three best friends that are there for me through anything and everything. If you see me in the store or on the street I’ll say hi and act like the world is perfect! I’ve mastered the fake smile. I don’t have a sucky life...weird, right? But this is where the previous facts come in. Depression runs in my family. I’ve never experienced a traumatic event and I never told anyone sooner because I didn’t know how they’d react.
I’ve said it already, and I’ll say it again. Mental illness is real. Just because you can’t always see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. No matter how much we as a society ignore it or put it on the back burner it’s not going away. If anything, it’ll only get worse. In fact about 1 in 5 Americans suffers from mental illness each year. Kids at the age of five are starting to develop eating disorders and anxiety. It is crazy that no one does anything about it. We need to be able to talk about it. We need to raise awareness and truly learn about depression, bipolar disorder, ALL eating disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, multi-personality disorder etc. Lastly, we need to learn how to properly react when someone says they’re feeling suicidal or like they want to harm themselves or others. Not only do we need to understand, but we also need to learn to speak up when something seems "off." Trust me, everyone who suffers from a mental illness is always screaming out for help. We just need to learn how to listen.
