Its hard to explain, what is really going on inside of my head all of the time. I'm at a loss for words and all i really want to do is scream and tell someone to take all my thoughts away. Its like my mind never shuts off and just the simplest little thing can set me off. Some days are good and others are just so bad, I don't even want to get out of bed. Its no ones fault, its just something thats wrong with my head. Because, honestly I am a happy person, I just get so lost inside my head that it makes me believe that everyone hates me and that I will never be good enough. Now, this is how I explain my depression and anxiety, I don't do it for attention and I didn't tell anyone at first because I didn't want the attention that you sometimes get with it. But, now i'll talk about my experience, and give advice because honestly their is no cure, its an everyday battle that you have to try to win against yourself.
The one thing that bothers me more than anything are all of these people going around saying that they have anxiety and depression when really they have no idea what they are talking about. They are confusing a broken heart from a breakup with actually having depression, when they are clearly not the same thing and you are just using it for even more attention. Depression is not something to be glorified and made out to be this beautiful thing, it is something that people who actually have it wish that they didn't. While all of these people who don't actually have it, act like they do to get attention.
Here are 5 things that people with depression and anxiety actually go through:
1. Your relationship with food. Some days you can go without eating and not even realize it, while other days it is like you cannot get full and you will eat anything and everything that you see.
2. Sometimes you just do not feel anything at all. This one is very true to me at least, I always have this happen where I really do not feel at all and nothing really affects me.
3. Sleep. You do not always sleep the best, but really all you want to do is sleep. Even though your mind will not shut off.
4. You feel like you are alone. Even when you have friends and family, you always feel like you are dealing with this alone and that you are just bothering them with your problems.
5. Self-harm is actually a thing. People do not cut or self-harm for attention (all of the time, because yes some people do it for attention. Those people are not really suffering from depression but really just want some attention.) Self-harm is used for different things like wanting to feel something or even channeling those emotional feelings into one specific feeling.Here are 5 myths/things that people who do not have depression do:
1. Breakups. This is a big thing, for people to now say they have depression because their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them. Then a week later they are better.
The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) says you need to have at least 5 of the 9 symptoms of depression nearly everyday for at least two weeks.
2. Fake cutting/self-harm. This is what I call it when people purposely cut or hurt themselves in places that are easily seen, or they know someone will see them. People who hurt themselves on purpose usually try to hide it, because they feel embarrassed.
These people usually let people know what they are doing or "accidentally" letting their scars show.
3. They think its cool. For, some reason people have it in their heads that having anxiety/depression is cool. They now have an excuse for acting a certain way or not wanting to something.
This one has a lot to do with not wanting to do things. You can tell your teacher you do not want to give a speech because you have anxiety. (Now this one hits really close to home because I actually do have anxiety and I had one class that was so bad I threw up every time I went to that class, in the end I had to drop it and take it the next semester with a different teach. This was embarrassing to me, and I do not understand why people lie about it, when it actually happens to people.)
4. Its all in your head. No, its more than that. You feel it in your whole body, it can start in your head and then some days it feels like you cannot breathe. Yes, your mind plays tricks on you and a lot of it has to do with what is going on inside of your head, but its just everything piled on top of each other.
5. You can snap out of it. No, that is not how that works. You have to work at it all of the time and just like anything else you can always fall back into it.
Depression is not something people really want to talk about or listen to someone talk about. It is common curtesy to ask people, "How are you?" But most people do not want a real answer they just want you to say, I am good, or i'm fine. When in reality most people have something going on with them they just do not want to bother people with their problems. Maybe, if we could talk about these things it would help a lot of people out and if they have depression or anxiety they can get the help that they need.