Usually, we expect closure to come from someone or something that wronged us, or made us feel less than great. Whether that is a person who stabbed us in the back or some unresolved past trauma, many of us have a difficult time moving on without closure.
Unfortunately, sometimes we must create our own closure.
There are people in this world who hate to admit they did something wrong. There are people who refuse to recognize the fact that perhaps they are not perfect, or that they may have been the toxic one in the midst of a falling out. There are people who will deny that they hurt you, even when you flat out tell them otherwise.
With emotionally immature people, we cannot expect much more than that. We cannot get our hopes up in believing that maybe someday they will apologize for what they have done, or try to change their ways. That is why we have to create our own closure.
An open wound is never easy to heal, especially when someone else who inflicted your injuries refuses to help heal you. It's not easy to heal on your own when you have been wronged by someone, especially when the relationship with that person runs deep.
You cannot heal in the place that hurt you.
Even if that person does apologize to you, it is pretty difficult and somewhat unrealistic to place your faith in the person that hurt you to heal you. In that situation, you may be perpetually frustrated and hurt. Our unmet expectations can cause us some additional pain and disappointment.
The first step in the journey to closure begins with admitting to yourself that this person is incapable of helping you get there. Certainly not an easy pill to swallow, but a necessary one. Realizing you may never get that well-deserved apology is a painful realization to make, but the longer you wait around for it to come, the more it will hurt.
The next step is up to you. You can dwell on the fact that the person who stabbed you in the back will never admit how they hurt you, grow bitter, and hold a grudge. Or, you can let go. Grab a pen and some paper and write down your feelings about the situation. Burn it. Talk through it with your friends or family. If you're really feeling up for a life change, make a list of all the people you hurt in the past, and consider giving them their well-deserved apology. This may not be appropriate in some situations, but even writing a never-sent letter to people you've fallen out with can be therapeutic. Awarding others with closure may help you reach your destination.
In order for closure to happen, we must forgive people who never apologized in the first place. We must accept apologies that were never given. It takes an immense amount of maturity, discipline, and generosity to refrain from seeking revenge or worse in situations where we have been deeply hurt. But it's true that the best revenge is a happy life and a smile on your face.
