Some days the dark cloud lingers closer, heavier, and darker than most. You try to tell yourself it's only temporary, and it'll all be okay tomorrow. And, sometimes it is. But sometimes your tomorrow is just as bad as today, and your three days from now is worse than that.
The only relief you get from this dark cloud is when your mind finally shuts off at night and the darkness dissipates into a foggy haze, clouding everything around you so you're no longer standing directly under the cloud. You wake up with the hopes that your cloud has softened, and won't return again for a while. However, after getting out of bed and beginning your day you find yourself right back where you started, magnetically pulling towards your bed so that the fog can overtake you again and take the complete dismay of your cloud away from you for a while.
Living with depression (major depression, dysthymia, seasonal, postpartum, situational — you name it) is hard for one to come to terms with. You become used to giving out the excuses of "I'm just over-tired," or "I think I'm coming down with something." You lose interest in everything and can't seem to focus on anything at all. You spend copious amounts of time in your bed wondering what's wrong with yourself in between the extreme amount of hours you sleep day and night (that only results in headaches and more desire to sleep). You try to talk yourself up into getting up and out and doing things and for a moment your sky seems to clear again — until suddenly your cloud finds you and you're right back where you started.
This vicious cycle is one that occurs more often for myself then I'd like to admit. However, I've learned that being more open and aware of it only helps each time my big, dark cloud comes around. I've found that no matter what type or amount of medication I've tried to mask these feelings, they're still part of who I am and I only hope I can give some insight to others who too feel this way and don't believe that their sun will shine again.
How to create sunshine when your dark cloud comes to stay:
1. Wake up to an alarm at a decent time and tell yourself "Today's a new day, I have the power to make it mine." And believe it.
2. Sit up, have a good stretch, get out of bed. Don't linger on your phone, don't pull your computer towards you.
3. Drink an entire glass of cold water.
4. Have something to eat after waking, even if you're not a morning person. Enjoy it. Sip your favorite coffee or tea or juice. Now take this time to catch up on social media and plan your day. Make small goals.
5. Wear an outfit that says, "I'm ready to take on the day." Like I always say — look good, feel good. Wearing a proper outfit helps fight the desire to climb back into bed.
6. Make your bed. Your bed should be for nighttime only — don't confuse your body.
7. Call up a friend. Make plans, whether it be lunch, coffee or a study date. Don't bail.
8. Take your dog for a walk. Or yourself, you need fresh air too. Endorphins are a magical thing.
9. Spread positivity and smile. It'll make yourself happier if anything.
10. Keep trying. No matter how many steps forward or back you may take. Always keep trying.
Not everyday is going to be sunshine and roses, and not everything in life is going to be perfect and simple and carefree. But when the dark cloud over you comes to stay, don't allow it to take over. Find a way to breach the fog. Whether it be creating your own happiness, or getting help from a reliable outside source if that's not enough. Being open, honest, and kind to yourself and those around you will create a better tomorrow.
You can and will get through this if you have a little faith.
God is greater than all of your highs, and all of your lows.
