I went to a private Christian high school for four years. Not everyone was white, privileged, rich or even Christian. Kids still did drugs and had sex. Yes, we had mandatory weekly chapels, a strict dress-code and, yes, dancing was forbidden. And heck to the yes, I could not wait to graduate. But even though I did not agree with everything, I didn’t hate my private school experience. In fact, my private school, a place often criticized for being intensely judgmental, taught me to appreciate and understand those different from me.

Let me explain:

No. I most absolutely did not look forward to mandatory chapel every week. In fact, I was one of those kids who often rolled her eyes at the numbingly repetitive worship songs, shouting chapel speaker or the apparently forced-spiritualization of literally everything. But here’s the thing: I learned how to listen even when I didn’t agree with what was being said. I learned that what I saw as heresy could be accepted as indisputable gospel to others. I learned that what I saw as “yet another chapel message about the exact same thing as the last eight chapels” still had the same weight and value as the first time someone said “Jesus loves you” from the pulpit. I learned how to appreciate different worship styles and not to criticize people who were more expressive than myself in worship.

It's also true that many students at my school actively hated mandatory chapel and Bible classes on the basis that everything was taught with such "close-mindedness." Some people objected to “having Jesus shoved down their throats.” Others were frustrated at the school’s hesitance to teach us about other religions or even other denominations. I respect all of these concerns. I was personally often upset at my school’s off-hand dismissal of the Reformed church tradition I’d grown up in. I don’t deny that this was a shortcoming of my school, yet I understand that the chapel speakers were merely teaching what they believed. Even though I didn’t always agree with my school’s teachings about faith, I can’t deny that I learned a lot – even if a good portion of that learning was simply me discovering all the different things I did not believe.

After chapel and Bible classes, the next least-popular aspect of private school is usually the dress-code. Honestly though, as far as the dress-code goes, I guess I never saw it as a problem. Which is actually saying a lot since I’m 5’9” and had to wear a skirt or dress every Thursday for chapel – they couldn’t be too tight and they had to come to my knees. I didn’t find it as hard as most people say to just wear what admin wanted. As far as “teaching girls to be ashamed of their bodies” I never personally felt that once. Or at least, not from the dress-code. The only pressure to "look a certain way" actually came from my peers. If anything, I just thought the dress-code was kind of silly. It never ceased to surprise me, though, how many people thought the dress-code was unfair or a breach of freedom and had really thoughtful, valuable reasons as to why they thought so.

Private schools are also often criticized of over-sheltering their students. And yes, my school did have a lifestyle contract that every student signed as part of enrollment. However, most people either hated it or didn’t take the contract seriously. One of my classmates conducted an anonymous survey at the end of my senior year in which many students admitted to breaking the contract. Many people did drugs despite them being illegal and/or prohibited by the school and nearly 50 percent engaged in sexual activities. There was still PDA in the halls. Bullying still happened. A lot. Close to half of my class has been seriously depressed and close to 15 percent engaged in self-harm.

I would estimate that nearly 60 percent of the kids in my senior class came from a family with divorced or single parents. Many people at my Christian school were either not Christian or had serious doubts about their faith. People still gossiped and hurt each other. And yes, it’s absolutely true that news travels fast in a small school. I was lied to by people I trusted. I was called unsavory names behind my back and to my face. More than once I found myself as collateral damage to yet another pointless drama. Yes, I went to a Christian school, but it was full of ordinary humans just like you and me.

I think that is perhaps one of the most misunderstood things about private school: People expect them to be full of rich, white, perfect people. Frankly, I can’t deny that the majority of my school was Caucasian. However, it would be a blatant lie to say that everyone at my school was rich or remotely perfect. My school was full of broke, broken and hurting people. Humans. So many people I’ve talked to hate private school because “everyone there is so fake.” I won’t deny that there are many of “fake” people there… but you'll find people who wear masks everywhere. And I've found that there's almost always a reason that someone wears a mask, pretending to be someone they want to be instead of the person they truly are.

Private school is not even close to its stereotype. The truth is, the place a person goes to school does not dictate their morals or values. My experience with private school taught me that 1. if you put enough pressure on someone, they will pretend to be whoever you want them to be, 2. love – not rules – breeds love, 3. you can never accurately know or appreciate someone until you stop pretending they’re always happy.