I still remember the Sunday before I “officially” became a part of the youth group at church. A classroom of maybe four or five girls and only one boy, all nervously asking what our next Sunday school class would be like. We were told there would be activities, camping trips, and even breakfast every Sunday morning. I thought that anything had to be better than the class we were just in. Earlier that year, before I asked God to come into my heart, we were all given an index card and different colored pens to write our responses on. Our teachers asked us that if we were to die today, where would our souls go? They made it really simple and told us to write either Heaven or Hell. This is the moment I started to feel excluded and inadequate to other members of the church, and it only got worse from there.

In middle school the leaders in the youth group started to separate boys and girls for everything. We both had different classrooms, different sides of the room we sat on, and even the leader of the youth group would have special outings and activities with just the boys. To some extent I could understand this. You know, with all of the sex crazed hormones we had. In my new Sunday school class, we were taught how God is always with us, and how we should love God. I agree, this is true and it’s important to learn. However, I did not agree when I was told my body is a distraction to men from focusing on God. It was even made popular that satchels were sinful because they would enhance my boobs (if only I had boobs to enhance at 11 years old). One Sunday, we even listened to a collection of testimonies of how young men had sinned because of the beauty of women bodies. Of course since this was a Southern Baptist church, we we’re taught about sex. Oops, I mean we we’re taught not to have sex. Any Christian knows that pre-marital sex is a big no-no. As I respect this and understand this, I do not respect how I was told that if I were to give into this sin, that I would always feel ashamed of my body.

Not only did my youth group teachers over sexualize my teenage body, but they taught us that everyone who is Catholic is not going to Heaven, and of course being Southern Baptist, that drinking is a sin. No one has the power to determine if someone is saved or not, so please, stop judging people’s souls. That itself is a sin so please, leaving the judging to God. The subject on drinking, I personally do not feel it is a sin as long as you are not drunk. Jesus drank wine, so you can have a glass or two.

The goal of any Christian is to spread the Word of God and be more like Jesus, but that doesn’t mean we are perfect like Him. More than once, I was told that being homeschooled or going to the local “Christian” private school was the safest place for a follower of God to be. Somehow that automatically made me less of a Christian because from kindergarten to ninth grade I was in public school, and of course the rest of my high school career I went to the “non-Christian” private school. If anything, that made me more of a Christian because I was reaching outside of my bubble to have more opportunities to spread the Word of God. I had a few encounters where I did, but I failed to bring them to church with me, and I regret it to this day.

I was afraid of bringing nonbelievers to church, because I didn’t want them to think every sermon is fire and brimstone, and if you are not saved then you are not loved. To get someone to accept God into their lives, it’s probably best not to tell them they will burn in Hell for all eternity if they don’t accept Him. Instead, why not explain how loving and caring our God is. Tell them that even though they are sinners, they are loved. The youth group I grew up in was not healthy for me, and it was probably one of the most negative experiences I had growing up. That does not reflect the people there, because most were very nice and I did love them. I just did not love the cliques and extreme beliefs they had. This isn’t to shame youth groups, because I have been to a few where I felt loved and wanted there. I even found one in college, and the people in Intervarsity (the name of the group) are probably the most devoted, accepting, and God-loving people I will ever meet in my life. I’m writing this article not to look down on youth groups at church, but instead to encourage it. In recent months, the church I grew up has split. To no surprise, those who lead the church and youth group all left to start new one. My words of advice to those who stayed at First Baptist: let them go. What they are trying to do is create a perfect church, and they will not be successful because a perfect anything doesn’t exist. Only God is perfect. I pray we finally find a pastor who will teach only the truth from the Bible and welcome everyone. My youth group didn’t accept me growing up, but God did.