If I were to open up and be completely honest, I would tell you that this summer has not been an easy one for me. It's something I would simply rather not talk about. But after the hardship I've faced within, I need to come clean and acknowledge the truth. You've probably guessed from the title — I'm one of the many college students who suffers from anxiety.
If you suffer from anxiety, I'm sure you can relate — your head starts to spin when you worry, and your stomach feels as if a fleet of butterflies has just taken flight. Your hands begin to tremble, and your mind races (in my case, this happens quite frequently). I often wonder why I feel this way about certain things, mainly myself, as I think, "Gosh, how could I have acted that way? How could I have done this task so poorly? I know I can be better, but why aren't I?" Sometimes, it is very difficult to believe I am deserving of God's love and grace. If you struggle with anxiety, maybe it's hard for you to see too.
I recently came to the realization that I was letting my anxiety control my life and my relationships with both family and friends. It was time to approach God and the problem — though, I must admit, I really didn't want to. Nonetheless, I took action and started visiting a counselor at the local church. She led me to a book, titled, "Changes That Heal," by Dr. Henry Cloud. As soon as I began to immerse myself in the pages, I was amazed.
Cloud opens his book with the idea of two gods: Grace and Truth. Grace is filled with compassion and forgiveness, but she offers no direction. Thus, the people who worshiped Grace didn't realize their wrongdoing. They made no effort to make a change. On the contrary, Truth is filled with morals and rules. The people who worshiped Truth were miserable because Truth offered no forgiveness. If the people didn't measure up, Truth would cast them out. It's not a pretty picture, is it?
Which god do you worship? Personally, I find myself on the side of Truth, which is likely to be the main source of my anxiety. I have a personal set of standards I try to match with God's standards, and if I don't measure up, then I can be tossed overboard of this metaphorical ship! Cloud explains that Truth is filled with "shoulds" and "could haves." "Truth without grace is judgment," Cloud says. "The law without grace destroys us."
It is also very dangerous, however, to have grace without truth. Those who worship Grace are "people who [are] loving, but directionless," states Cloud. Without truth, there is no discipline. Paul says in Romans 6, "Shall we sin because we are not under law, but under grace? By no means!" To be without truth is "license," as worded by Cloud. Just because we are saved by the grace of God does not mean we are free to indulge in sin as we please.
Our God in heaven is the perfect balance between grace and truth. One cannot survive without the other, and they are part of the essential key to having a true relationship with God. "Grace, when it is combined with truth, invites the true self, the 'me' as I really am, warts and all, into relationship," says Cloud. Because our God upholds both grace and truth, He accepts us as we truly are, whether we struggle with anxiety, depression, alcoholism, drugs, sexual immorality, you name it. You are His creation, and He accepts Y-O-U. You. Not only does He accept you through grace, but He offers you direction through truth. He is there to guide you through life — He is your compass, and the Bible is your road map.
With these two elements together, I've been able to face my anxiety from a different perspective. "I'm human. I make mistakes, so I need to give myself some grace. That's what God would do," I think to myself. "But what can I do to avoid making the same mistake again?" Facing something as strong as anxiety is tough, but no one said it would be easy. I still have a long way to go. If you're struggling with anxiety, I highly recommend Cloud's book (not a sponsor). It's been very eye-opening so far. If you're looking to start the healing process, I encourage you to. It's never too late for a fresh start. God is in control, and He has a plan for you. Never lose hope. You can accomplish great things.
