It's scary to be vulnerable. It's scary to show people parts of yourself you swore never to show or ��you didn't know you were hiding in the first place. Being around people who share the same beliefs and values I do has been helpful in breaking down walls I didn't know were there and some I had been struggling with. I have grown in my faith, learned to take advice I didn't want, and opened myself up to my friends and more to God.

For a long time, I was keeping a closed heart towards God. I heard the stories of people claiming that when they accepted Jesus, immediately the walls were broken down and their hard-hearts were made soft towards Him. I didn't understand how that happened. I so desperately wanted God to grab a hold of my heart and shake off that outer shell, but I wasn't feeling it. I would try to be good and do good for God, but my heart wasn't in the right place and I wanted to make a change.

I was still going through the motions from time to time. At one point I caught myself re-tweeting a Biblical tweet because it was from the Bible and I hadn't even read what the tweet said. I got to the point where I was so consumed in putting all of my effort into building up this image of myself claiming that I was showing the people of Twitter the light of Jesus. I was faking it and nobody knew. I would tweet things like that throughout the day, I would even tell some people about God, but I didn't have the right heart.

I would go home at night and feel completely empty. I would cry out to God, "Don't You hear me? Why aren't You listening? Why aren't you answering my prayers? God, I am suffering here. I am hurting. Please take this pain away and allow me to have the desires of Your heart." The thing about it was, I was only asking for God to save me so I could feel happy. God does make me happy, but at the time, I wasn't willing to lay my life down for Him. I wasn't willing to give up my earthly desires. That held me back for so long.

I didn't really start living for Christ until college started. Yeah, that was a few months ago, but I have grown so much in God and He has shown me more things about myself in the last two months than I've known in the last 18 years. I've learned that I have been extremely selfish and dishonest and evil. I wasn't rooted in Christ. I was looking for myself in my accomplishments. I've learned that doing and saying the right things will not lead me closer to God. That will only show me that I have limited power and limited resources.

There was a chapel a week or two ago, in which the message was about what to do when you have run to the end of your line and can't go on anymore. The answer to that problem is to turn to God. Where we are limited, He is limitless. It takes a lot of trust and faith in Him to let Him take the reigns of your life and lead you where He wants you to go.

I have learned that I am very controlling. I don't like to make myself fully known to people because I can't control what they do with the information they know about me.

Being at Corban, I have learned that when I put my trust in God, He will use that for His glory. I was always known as the "good girl", the "golden child" and the "good, little Christian girl". I wasn't completely bothered by the label. I wanted to be the best person I could be. However, I realized that I wasn't seeking God's approval in my life, but the approval of teachers, coaches, parents and pastors. When I heard people tell me how great of a job I was doing or when I heard that people looked up to me, I felt good about myself. But that did not make my life more full. I still went to my room and cried and asked God why I felt so alone even when I had great friends and mentors by my side. It took me a long time to realize that I felt alone because there was a Jesus-shaped hole in my heart.

I wanted so desperately for God to fill me and use me. After coming to college, I decided that I was going to take my promises seriously. I was going to truly dedicate my life to Him. I didn't say the sinner's prayer or anything like that, but I came fully to God. I asked Him to show me my purpose. I asked Him to change my heart and my desires and my evilness. I have been living a life for so long of trying to make everyone else feel the love of God, but it wasn't real because I wouldn't allow myself to feel His love.

I asked God to use me and show me what He wants in my life. Without going into much detail, God showed me that He is powerful. When I came to Him in complete faith and prayer, He showed Himself to me. He told me what He has planned for me, and that it is great.

It is much easier said than done, giving yourself up to God. As I said, I struggled with it for a long time. What really made a difference in giving myself to Jesus was I had reached my limit. I really had no choice but to trust in God. I had no other options but to turn to my Savior. He saved me and turned my heart from sin and towards His glorious face.

Since I surrendered to God, I have felt more at peace. Even though struggles abound, I trust that God will guide me where He wants me and that He will provide for all of my needs if I lay my life down for Him. I have been getting more comfortable with myself and with the help of Christ, I have been defeating my insecurities and fear of being vulnerable. I wish that I could say I am all the way there, but God is still working in me. I have found a deeper love for people and love for God. I have found passions in building relationships and breaking my barrier of being shy. I have experienced a love so deep in fellowship and worship.

To the person who is having a hard time finding their purpose or struggling with a lack of deep connection, I know how you feel. I have a little nugget of advice: God is bigger! God is bigger than your shame. God is bigger than your fears. God is bigger than you insecurities. God is bigger than the troubles this world brings about.

If you want to really feel God, you need to come to Him and give yourself to Him. If you have a nagging feeling or a little voice telling you that you need to turn to God, it's because God is pulling you towards Him. He wants you! God loves you so much and He wants you to draw close to Him.

So do that. Pray to Him, cry out to Him. Only God can tell you what to do next. Read your Bible. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to hear God and you want God to talk to you and tell you what you need to do, read His word. God will only answer if you ask. So ask. Write down your prayers, scream them out into the night, talk about them with a friend. Just pray and read His word. God is already working in you. You need to take the next step and grab His hand and don't let go. You will never regret a life lived for Jesus Christ.

Here are some Bible verses for encouragement:

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

James 4:8 - Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

I Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide you a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Romans 12:1 - I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

Ephesians 2:8-9 - For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.