I've been at Baylor a month now and I can honestly say that one of my favorite things that I look forward to weekly is Vertical. Vertical is an amazing time of heartfelt worship and amazing messages that convict and uplift. This semester, Dale Wallace has been leading us in a series called Ring By Spring all about love and dating. Last night, the 10th of September, there was a guest speaker — Jonathan Pokluda (JP). And his message was so good that I felt led to share my notes.

He began his message talking about sunglass shopping and two different experiences he had looking for the perfect sunglasses. On one occasion, he didn't know what he was shopping for when he went looking and he felt as if he tried on 100 pairs before he found the right ones, but in the end, he was exhausted and tired from all the looking. The second time, he knew precisely what he was looking for — right down to the serial number. He went in with a purpose and told the sales assistant what he was looking for and if they didn't have it he would leave because anything else would be wasting both of their time. JP used this story to illustrate dating saying that "all of us like dating and want to get married but we don't know what we want and so we end up wasting our time."

JP continued talking about how it is a myth that there is ONE person out there for every other person — we are not looking for a soulmate but rather we are looking for someone whose heart belongs to God because there's a lot of people you could marry and honor the Lord with. As we go forward looking for our future spouse, we need to know what we want. And luckily for us, the Bible has laid that out for us.

1 Timothy 4:12 says: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

Although this verse is not talking exactly about marriage and relationships, JP used this verse to lay out the type of partner we should be on the lookout for.

Speech:

• What do they say? What comes out of their mouth?
• Be someone who is a cheerleader and who is known for the life-giving words they speak
• Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
• Ask this of yourself and them: do they use their words to tear down or build up?

Conduct:

• What is their reputation?
• The only reason we date is to get married — every date should be a question of could you see yourself with this person. Ask yourself, is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?
• If your standards are not God standards, your standards are silly
• Think about what the trajectory of their life is? The answer should be to serve God. Both people should be in love with God
• The only thing that brings compatibility is being surrendered to the Holy Spirit
• Remember that charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting
• Women: You don't want a guy who wants you only for your body because he will leave you for that too. Ask yourself: Are you dressing attractively or dressing to attract?
• Past performance is the best indicator of future performance: what's their credit? What have they done with other people's hearts?

Love:

• Leave someone better than you found them — even if the relationship doesn't work out, imagine leaving just being glad you spent time with them and instead of being upset be encouraged on how kindness, honesty, and maturity marked the relationship
• Ask yourself: What are they devoted to?
• Nonnegotiable: The way they love God.
• Love somebody because of who they are not because of how they make you feel (Romans 12)

Faith:

• What do they believe?
• Are they radically pursuing Jesus?
• Stop pursuing each other and start pursuing Christ together
• Pursue Christ with reckless abandon

Purity:

• How do they purpose towards purity?
• They should lead in purity, if they are not they don't fear God
• Always FLEE from sexual immorality — we are always going to want to do more, if we even sense something could happen we need to RUN and GO
• Our bodies are not our own bodies, they are God's — they are on loan, therefore, he gets to tell us how to use it

Other Notes:

• What if you've messed up? Right now, start pursuing God and turning to him. Even though there is damage, the Lord can repair us. Take a season to heal. Maybe look at the calendar mark a year from now and say for this year I will focus on pursuing the Lord and not have a relationship
• If you never get married, it's going to be OK. Ask yourself when did Heaven stop being enough?
• Finding a spouse is not looking for a needle in a haystack — look in the church

I hope these notes from Vertical helped you grasp what JP was talking about and encouraged you and challenged you as much as they did me. And if you're a Baylor student, come to Vertical! God is doing amazing things — let Him work in your life.