In the past, I have chosen boys, friends, family, and several other things. I get lost in them, hoping that somehow if I follow their standards that I will miraculously come to be just as they want me to be. This has caused who I am to shift drastically over the years. If you knew me five years ago, a year ago, or even 6 months ago, I am not the same person I am today. I have changed, and I will continue to change.
I have learned that instead of choosing people that are external, I will choose me.
This isn't a New Years Resolution, a break-up letter, or a declaration of complete independence. This is just me. Pure, raw, and simple.
Choosing myself doesn't mean that I will be neglecting everyone else. My sister will still be my right hand and my best friend will always be the one I spend most of my time with. Those things will not change. What will change are the relationships I have with people who try to hold me back, how I handle situations, and the decisions I make.
Choosing myself means choosing adventure. I will not wait till the weekend, the summer, or even till I save up for something extravagant. I'll take midnight trips to Walmart, dance in the rain, and try new things.
Choosing myself means that I will do with my body however I please. If I end up with wild hair, a hundred piercings, and a body full of tattoos, then so be it.
Choosing myself means that I do not let people walk over me. I stand up for myself. I let people know how I truly feel and put my feelings over their desires.
Choosing myself means that I will put my happiness first. I can't be a positive influence in this world with a frown on my face. If something or someone doesn't contribute to that happiness I will let it go.
Choosing myself means that I will work on being more honest with my feelings. I will learn how to feel deeply without a care in the world.
Living a half-way life is no way to live at all. I'm done deciding my life based on how other people want me to live it. I am in control. I am choosing to love myself and finally be my own person.