Sometimes I lie about being in pain.

It's not that I'm never in pain. It's not that I don't experience muscle spasms and dislocations and other ailments. In all actuality, I lie because it's easier to explain a physical ailment as opposed to a mental one.

My days consist of symptoms from both physical illnesses (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Dysautonomia, chronic migraines) and mental ones (social phobia and depression). A lot of times, these symptoms overlap. Does my body ache today because of my EDS or because of my depression? Is my heart racing because of my Dysautonomia or because I'm in the beginning stages of a panic attack? Am I tired today because my body is working overtime to try to hold itself together or because I struggled to fall asleep for about three hours last night?

But, see, it's harder to explain away the symptoms conjured up by the chemicals in my brain as opposed to those that are caused by my body. My back hurts today can either mean it truly hurts or I'm looking for a believable excuse to explain why I'm not moving from my bed today. My knees hurt today can either mean they truly hurt or I would have a panic attack if I went outside today.

People understand and sympathize with you more when there is something physically wrong with you. Nobody will tell me to "just get over" my EDS. Because that's not possible. But "getting over" social phobia, apparently, is in the minds of other people. Mental illness is seen by many as something that can be controlled. That, with the right medication and treatment and exposure, a normal life can be lived.

I hate to break it to you, but it's really not that easy.

Going to physical therapy can help control the symptoms of my EDS but it will never eliminate it. And curing that ailment is not something that is expected. Taking medication and going to therapy will give me more good days than bad but my mental illness is not going anywhere. However, curing the ailments of the brain are expected, no matter how illogical that may be.

I will be stuck with all these ailments for the rest of my life. And one type is not easier to fix than the other. So, yes, sometimes I lie about being in physical pain. And it's something I fear I will have to continue to do until mental illness is fully understood.