Today I've chosen to explore an interesting facet of feminism that is not often talked about: the implications of a woman's friendship with a woman versus friendship with a man.
The concept struck me a few days ago, while spending a large amount of time around the two people I consider my closest friends: one a female and one a male. The way I interact with both of them is incredibly similar: laughing constantly, inside jokes, "Ok, I love you, bye!" before hanging up the phone and "I miss you" when I don't see them for a while. However, I'm constantly being told that my guy best friend and I act like we're dating.
When I first got this comment, I took a moment to think about it, and that person was right: we kind of do. He's the first person I call in a crisis, he's the one who knows how to calm me down, sometimes we take long late-night walks and just talk about our lives, and I feel entirely comfortable sitting next to him with my head on his shoulder and just existing. One time we stayed up half the night watching dumb YouTube videos and laughing until we cried.
Now, let me tell you about my friendship with my girl best friend. We finish each other's sentences. We are almost always on the same wavelength. We've spent the night in each other's rooms so many times that I know all of her sleeping habits--she talks in her sleep, sometimes she flails, and she snores REALLY loudly. I can make eye contact with her across a room and burst into laughter because I know exactly what she's thinking.
One of those sounds like two characters out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and one of those sounds like a Christina Yang and Meredith Gray type dynamic duo. Why?
Because as a society we have decided that a man and a woman can not be friends without inevitable sexual tension. If a man and woman are "just friends" then the man must have been "friend-zoned," or, if they act as close as my friend and I do, one of us must "think we're dating."
Update: I have never once become "confused" and accidentally thought I was in a relationship. My friend and I are not dating, and we never have been. (Fun fact: we almost did once, but decided against it. See article "Oh him? We almost dated...") The parameters of our friendship are set by us and what we are comfortable with. Not the opinion of anyone else. Our present is not dictated by our past, and our future is not up to an outside party.
Ultimately, our friendship is between the two of us. Maybe, according to some people's standards, we "act like we're dating," but if both of us are comfortable with where we're at--and believe me, we've talked about it plenty of times--then it is no one's place to tell us we're wrong.
He is my boy friend but he is not my boyfriend in the same way that my female best friend is my girl friend and not my girlfriend. I, as a twenty-first century woman, am in fact capable of being close friends with a man without being desperately and head-over-heels in love with him.
Sheetal Tadiparty
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