I’m a pharmacy major, and when I first started learning about the challenges that laid ahead, many students warned me that I would just be sleeping, eating and studying, unless I wanted to exchange partying for sleeping which was never up my alley. I was told relationships would make it difficult, and that I would already have enough work to do. I never dated a girl before college and I wasn’t sure doing so was a good idea for the sake of money, time and my future career. Ironically, second semester of my first year there, I met a beautiful girl and the rest was history as they say. We’ve been together for almost three years now and I’m in the middle of the most vigorous part of my curriculum as well as her who is a physician assistant major. Things changed of course, but we never thought of letting go and I couldn’t be happier to be with her now more than ever.
The rumor that dating while in a difficult major is a fallacy; it is actually much more complex than people say. Truth is, you will have time, can make time, and it is ultimately up to you to do so for each other. Also, a lot of other personal factors should be considered such as working, commuting, distance etc. To provide some insight into my situation, I commute about an hour and half each way to get to and back from school on the MTA, I live about an hour away by bus from my girlfriend, and I study almost all day while making short breaks to breath and relax. She has roughly the same situation but has a much busier study schedule than I. Adding onto that, her classes are in a separate building a bus ride away from our main campus. So how do we make it work and why is it worth it?
Well first of all, if you are in a healthy relationship you usually won’t be frustrating each other. The last thing a student that studies all day needs is more stress. More often than not we’re in the library with cubicles next to each other and studying. Of course we stay in the library to have some restriction in the noise we make and stop ourselves from binge watching on Netflix. While we’re there we study, share jokes, eat a few snacks, and help each other understand concepts that overlap between our majors. Is that considered boring to some? Sure, but we’re happy, supportive, continue to have our nightly talks, sometimes as we study, and go out for lunch together religiously, even if it means waiting and hour or two for each other to wrap up our class or the lecture we’re reviewing.
Beyond that, you have to make time for each other outside of studying. For us it’s a bit tough with the commute and family obligations, but it is not so wild to go watch a movie or a small date on Saturdays between studying, getting coffee and warming up while reading, or finding a day every two or three weeks to go to the city and explore. Even when she’s that bus ride away and had an hour break, I was free and rather than study, I would push it back on my schedule to pick up some pizza and commute there to share a slice outside. Being in a relationship in a hard major is a matter of whether you want to be there with them and whether you can do the little things necessary to see each other and enjoy the little things.
Speaking of little things, dating my lady has taught me something I would have never learned if it wasn’t for our situation, and this enjoying those little moments. Sharing a hot chocolate, watching one episode of the office, grabbing a good lunch or sharing a few laughs is enough to make my day. I learned to appreciate the small moments that make me and her happy, and I think that has brought a lot value into my everyday life and our relationship. And of course, if it wasn’t for her, I don’t know if I’d be as well off as I am now. I get minor depression like most students do from the pile of work, the endless reading, and the uncertainty of the challenges ahead. Sure, I had a few friends I could always rely on, but she helped me get through these times and made me feel confident in a way no one else ever could, and vice versa. Without her I wouldn’t be as well off as I have been, and my outlook towards the future would be dim at best.
Moral of the story is to never let anyone tell you a relationship will lower your grades or put you at greater risk for failure. I know for a fact that my success to a large degree has been from having her at my side the entire time, and I know that to be the case for many people. That being said, abstinence from a relationship is entirely respectable and for many couples it just might not work for personal reasons. I simply want to put out the message that relationships at these times can be a true blessing, and a strong relationship will take you farther than you ever could alone.
