I fell in love with basketball when I was nine or ten years old. It feels like just yesterday that I was playing my first game in 3rd grade with the people that are now some of my best friends. Now, looking back on all of the tournaments, practices, games, and everything in between, I’ve come to the conclusion that the past ten years playing basketball have given me the best memories, some that I’ll never forget. Although the memories made are the biggest thing I’m taking away from my whole experience as a basketball player, basketball has also allowed me to learn valuable lessons and become a significantly stronger person.

Spending the majority of my high school career, especially my senior season, on the bench was the most mentally challenging and toughening thing I’ve ever had to go through. It’s the constant feeling of rejection. It’s constant thoughts of “Why aren’t I good enough?” and “Why should I even try anymore?” It’s feeling like I’m always wasting my time coming to every practice just to stand at half court for forty-five minutes straight without even getting a chance to prove myself. It’s sitting there, watching all of your teammates that you spent the last ten years growing and playing with getting to play the game you fell in love with as a kid. Every game that passed that I didn’t get played, the passion I had for the game for so long was slowly but surely being ripped away from me. Over the course of the season I learned how to fake a smile and cheer for my teammates while secretly crying on the inside. I learned how to hide my true emotions, and fake a happy and cheerful version of myself. Somehow I managed to lead the team as a captain with my mouth closed. Time and time again, I held my head high when I faced the humiliation of being put in the game for the last twenty or so seconds.

I’ll admit, there were times that I broke down and let my frustration get the best of me. The feeling that all the time, energy, commitment, and money was all for nothing became nearly impossible to bear. Needless to say, my self image took a gigantic blow as well. Playing basketball has always been such a huge part of my identity, and when it was taken away, it was quite a bitter pill to swallow. I found out quickly that without consistent minutes in basketball, it is extremely difficult to be a captain and support my teammates wholeheartedly and at the same stay optimally motivated on earning more minutes. I hit a point where I just wanted to quit. Halfway through this season, when I knew my butt was pretty much glued to the bench for all of eternity, I decided that I wasn’t going to let it get to me anymore.

I’m actually grateful that my coach didn’t believe in me. I’m grateful that the only lesson I ever learned from that coach was how to put up with bulls—t on a daily basis. I’m grateful that I was treated like just another name on a roster even though my passion, heart, and motivation were so much more than that. I’m grateful that I was made to realize that sometimes life doesn’t always hand you ideal situations during the time in which your identity is still something you struggle to discover completely. I decided that at this point in my basketball career, I wasn’t going to give anyone the power to take away my passion or my love for the game anymore. That’s no way to spend my senior year. Happiness and positivity are choices, so I simply decided to stay positive and get through it.

I focused on the real reason that I stuck with playing: the team. They made me feel appreciated, recognized, and essential (all of the feelings my coach neglected to offer upon me) when they came to me with problems, needed advice on something, or were upset and just needed to talk. Although I wish that my commitment to being a good captain and friend first counted for something, regardless, I have made some of my best friendships through basketball and I wouldn’t trade any of those people for the world. I don’t know what I would do without laughing our butts off at team sleepovers, singing and gossiping sessions before practice, and always being there to talk about anything, no matter the circumstance.

My teammates and the memories I was so fortunate to make with them are the reason that quitting just wasn’t an option. I can’t imagine high school without all of them and all of those things, and I’m so glad that I stuck with it and got to be a part of such a great bond that we all shared. Of course, being benched for basically my whole last season absolutely sucked, but it was the memories that made all of it worth it. After all, it’s a high school sport, not division one. It should be more about the fun anyways. Although my basketball career didn’t end exactly how I would have liked it to, I will always hold the good memories so, so close to my heart, and I’ll never forget the lessons that I learned the hard way. Basketball will always be a part of me, no matter what.