One thing that people do not know about me is that I have social anxiety, mainly because I tend to portray myself as a bubbly and easygoing person every day. I am not saying that I do not present my true self to others, it is just difficult for me to let my guard down. I watched this video of one of my favorite actresses Kristen Bell talk about her anxiety and depression and I loved when she said, "I crash when people don't like me". I can relate to this because I struggle with the idea of others hating me and so with almost everything I do I try to make others happy. I wish that I would not care what other people think or say about me but I know at the end of the day it will come back and haunt me at night.

My anxiety makes me feel the following; every person hates me, every person is talking badly about me, every bad thing is my fault, I will never be good enough, etc. There is not a day that goes by without me feeling as though all of my friends, family members, and coworkers dislike me for little to no reason when all of these inner demon thoughts aren't true. People who know me always mention how I apologize way too much and for things that I should not be apologizing for. The reason why I do this is because of my anxiety making me feel like everything is my fault and I will never be good enough for people. I know deep down that I have amazing friends and family that support me the best they can but I still feel at times like this at my lowest.

Music helps me cope with my anxiety. Whether it be listening to music or singing in front of an audience, it calms me down from being triggered by people or stress. Most of my triggers are due to either loud noises, sometimes being around too many people, or difficult situations. While I may enjoy casual conversations with people, at times I can get stressed out easily and it might trigger an anxiety attack. For those who have not experienced an anxiety attack, it can be different for other people but in general what happens to me is I will need to go to a safe place in my house by myself, cry, and breathe heavily. It can be hard to calm down from an attack because of your increased heart rate and intense emotions. From these experiences, I always choose to do whatever it takes to prevent myself from having another anxiety attack.

I now feel comfortable in my skin because I can openly talk about my anxiety without feeling like I will be judged for it. While it can sure make my life more complicated, I am glad that I have learned to manage my anxiety so that I can enjoy every day to the best that I can.