As a ~#SingleLady~ living in the world of early adulthood, I have had my fair share of terrible first dates, and upon my surveyance, so has the rest of the female population. It seems as though there is always one thing that the guy says or does that we just fester our focus on during the rest of the date, and we hold on to that annoying little thing as we ponder whether we want to keep seeing the guy or not.
After discussing this topic with about 20 of my lady friends, we have compiled a solid list of really obnoxious things guys don't realize are super annoying, especially on a first date:
1. Discussing past relationships
It is literally the biggest turn off in the history of turn-offs when a guy mentions his ex. "My ex and I went on a trip to the Galapagos, my ex and I used to take Sunday bike rides together, my ex blah blah blah,"—we get it! You have dated other women! We have dated other men too, but you don't hear us weeping and moaning about them (that's what wine nights with our girlfriends are for, amiright?). We don't want you to keep focusing on the exes when you're supposed to be getting to know us instead. Ugh.
2. Dressing like a homeless person
We as women put a lot into how we look. Y'all men don't even understand how much work it takes to perfect contouring and hairspray and heels and mini skirts and push up bras. What is even worse is when we finally show up to dinner, and you're dressed in a Hurley tee shirt you wore in high school and basketball shorts (and I speak from experience when I mention this outfit). We are not impressed. If I could take the time out of my day to look presentable and gorg, you can at least change into a button-up and khakis.
3. Not Asking Any Questions
It is so so awkward when the girl has to always be the one to initiate all of the conversation. By the end of the date, we feel exhausted just from having to wrack our brains trying to find interesting questions to ask, instead of having the favor returned by the man! Sometimes, this even turns into an awkward lull in the conversation, making the date super awk/uncomfortable. Come prepared to a date with at least a handful of things you'd like to know about your lady friend, instead of leaving us to do all of the dirty work, gentlemen.
4. Only Talking About Themselves
This goes somewhat hand in hand with #3, but it is equally as obnoxious when the man solely talks about his career, his aspirations, his life, and does not open up the floor to the lady at the date. We too have interesting lives, let us talk a bit please!
5. Expecting More After The Date
There is nothing more confusing than when a guy thinks you're going to sleep with him just because he spent 2 hours and $10.98 on your salad at dinner. We are not slabs of meat who are meant to be used once dined, please treat us like people! Surprisingly enough, we actually want to form meaningful connections, not just have sex with you!
6. Using Your Cellphone
It is, quite frankly, incredibly rude when a man is scrolling through his Facebook/Instagram feed while on a date. Unless it's your boss or mom calling, please, turn it off! We are dedicating time and effort to spend time with you, at least respect us enough and put your phone away.
7. Flirting With Others
As sad and perhaps surprising as it may be that I even have to list this, flirting with other ladies while on a date is SO. DAMN. RUDE. Winking at a girl a table over or making a raunchy joke to the waitress in front of us are things that A) we notice, and B) completely disrespect the girl you are seeing. If you're not interested in us, do us the favor and simply flirt once the date is over.
8. One-Upping Us
If we mention an accomplishment we have achieved or something we are passionate about, for example: running a 5k, having a really cool hobby, traveling someplace unique, etc. please do not try and "one-up" us by bragging about something even COOLER that you have done before. On the contrary, I suggest perhaps asking more questions about said accomplishment/interest, which shows that you actually care, and gives us a bigger discussion platform which could grow into an interesting conversation.
9. Ordering For Us
Again, as sad as it may be, maybe (JUST MAYBE) we ladies have a mind of our own and know what we want to order, instead of you manually choosing for us? If we want a burger, let us get our damn burger, we don't solely survive on salads and water gentlemen!
10. Expecting a second Date
Yes, we may have loved getting dinner or going to a movie with you, and yes, maybe we even had fun, but that doesn't mean we saw a man we wanted to put long-term effort into. Do not get offended if we turn down a second date, it just means that we are perhaps looking for different aspirations or characteristics which you do not have. And that is okay. Because at the end of the day, chances are there are other more eligible ladies out there who are much better catered to your personality type anyways.