To the therapist who helped save me,
I've been going to therapy for as long as I can remember. At first, I went because I had trouble coping with my parents leaving, and then I went because I was being severely bullied. It's sad to think all my life I've been bullied, through elementary school to high school. I was bullied for: not having parents, being different, and pure rumors that were spread about me, mostly they weren't true or they were plain distortions.
Especially, going to a Catholic high school where girls thrive on being mean, and never allowing you to tell your side of the story. I remember not being okay, but pretending I was...making up stories so they'd leave me alone...so everyone would leave me alone. Then, being alone became all too common.
In my sophomore year of high school, when things were really bad for me, I met the best therapist I probably ever had. The bullying pushed me to my breaking point. I didn't want to go to school, everywhere I turned there was a new rumor about me and it was like I was in a zoo, always being stared at. I usually have trouble disclosing to therapists, but this time, it was so easy to talk. I told her my fears, the rumors, what was true, what was false, what it's like to constantly blame yourself, and how I wanted to give up. She listened; for once I had a therapist who actually listened (this isn't the case for all therapists, don't let this deter you from going). She was honest, as well. She never focused on giving my mindset names or telling me I just think like this because I was depressed and have severe anxiety.
She told me the truth and I told her how I thought of giving up on myself. That was my breaking point. The rumors about me were so grotesque, and they were everywhere. I hated myself; I let other people help me hate myself.
One day, when I entered her office, she had a chunk of clay out. She told me to build something beautiful with the clay and then when it was dry and hardened she put it in a bag. That’s what I felt like, dry and hardened. We went outside and she gave me a hammer and told me to break the clay. As I swung down I felt relieved, I felt the weight that lifted off my shoulders. I felt my built up rage diminish. I felt in control.
After that day I decided to love myself. She taught me that life was beautiful, and if I let the rumors get the best of me I would miss a lot of things. She made me picture my family, my grandmother, my aunts, and my cousins. She made me realize even when life is tough; you have to be strong for them…because they’re always rooting for you. My grandmother dedicated her life to me, and I couldn’t take that for granted.
Soon after that I decided I’d help others. I wanted to save someone like I had been saved mentally. Hence, my major in forensic psychology. I’m so thankful for being saved mentally since then I’ve seen and experienced numerous things that I would have missed if I had given up on myself. I’m so thankful I gained my confidence back and now I believe in anything being possible. I’m thankful that I got to meet the love of my life who continually motivates me. I'm thankful and proud that I’m getting a degree in something I love, that I got into the college of my dreams and that I am finally happy. I’m here, because my family, my boyfriend, my therapist, and most importantly myself, got me here.
Bullying isn’t okay; neither is forgetting how important it is to love yourself. DON'T ever let someone disrupt your dreams, tell you you're not good enough or tell you that you don't deserve to be here because you do. My therapist taught me that there is truth in, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I promise it will get better, and I urge you to speak up if you don't think it will...there is help.
Thanks again for teaching me to love myself,
Athena
If you or someone you know is struggling with bullying, need someone to talk too, or are experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or actions please reach out to the following hotlines:
PLEASE consider therapy as well, you’ll never know it just might save you.
National Suicide Hotline
800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
800-442-HOPE (4673)
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-TALK (8255)
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
AND
Crisis Call Center
800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices.html
National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Youth Violence Prevention
9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday
SPEAK UP
866-SPEAK-UP (773-2587)
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
http://www.bradycampaign.org/our-impact/campaigns/speak-up
Thursday's Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline
800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437)
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
