Dear Reader,
I believe there is a very strong misconception about people who live with anxiety. Despite my calm and cool exterior, I am someone who suffers from crippling anxiety. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I cannot move or get out of bed because of the fear of what the day might bring. Now, I am sure many of you have never had an honest-to-god panic attack, so I will do my best to describe the feeling to you.
Imagine taking a shower and enjoying the warm water cleansing your skin. Suddenly there is a loud ringing in your ear and the voice inside your head starts going a mile a minute. It suddenly sounds like your thoughts are flying at 1000 miles per hour while shouting at you. You mentally try to tell yourself to calm down, that it will be over soon but you simply can't. You can't speak and you can't move, all you can do is stand there and hope it ends. Suddenly there is a tightness in your chest and breathing becomes a task rather than a natural body function. Despite being in the shower you have to sit down because your muscles goes tight and weak. It feels like you are being chased by an ax murderer, but you can't run. This feeling goes on for about ten to fifteen minutes, then suddenly vanishes.
A panic attack doesn't just last ten minutes and end. The effects of panic attacks extend much farther than the actual ten minutes that they last. These attacks are exhausting on the mind and body. After an attack, I cannot seem to gain enough energy to go about my day as normal. Fatigue sets in early and I go through my day in a constant blur of tiredness and numbness. I try to pay attention in class, but my brain is computing so many things at once that I cannot simply concentrate on one thing. I become irritable and cranky, snapping at people and having a strong desire to be alone for long periods of time. My muscles are constantly tense and I am on edge. If someone were to touch me, I would probably jump or pull away quickly.
Anxiety is not the same as being worried. Anxiety is something that affects your entire day, let alone your entire life. It is frustrating for someone with anxiety to hear people say "just calm down", "stop stressing out", and "just take medication for it". There are ways to deal with anxiety that don't involve throwing a mind-numbing pill down your throat. It takes time, dedication, and patience but many have learned to deal with their symptoms on their own.
I am proud of how far I have come without needing to medicate myself. I have broken out of my shell and become social. I have learned to let people in and express my feelings even when it seems like the hardest task in the world. I am still learning and I continue to learn every day. I want this article to be a message to others that live with anxiety and who do not understand it.
For those who also live with anxiety: You are stronger than you know. You are not alone in this world. You can learn to deal with your symptoms and break out of your comfort zone. You are loved and deserve all the love in the world.
For those who do not understand anxiety: If you suspect a friend suffers from anxiety, be patient. Understand that their feelings are out of their control. Be there for them. If they want space, learn to give them space.
Sincerely,
Strung Out Sarah
