Coffee tastes better when I can focus completely on every sip.
Music is richer when I can immerse myself in each individual beat.
I think better when I’m only focused on myself and whatever’s in my own head.
I LOVE to be alone.
I don’t think it’s something that people who know me well associate with me. When I’m with my friends, I’m extraverted. I giggle a lot, I talk rapidly, and I gesticulate like the crazy-person that I am. I need that time. My friends are extraordinarily important to me, and if I’m engrossed in a good conversation, I’m usually the last person to leave the table. I cherish time spent with people I love and with great thinkers. I need the ideas of the people around me in order to find inspiration for the rest of my day, but I also really need time and space to myself in order to use that inspiration, to take that human light and use it to create and produce things.
I also need time and space just to recharge. I love college, because everyone around me is free and thoughtful. I’m surrounded by a mine of unencumbered genius, and just the opportunity to be part of the pool is a privilege. Even so, sometimes by the end of the day my brain is so saturated and buzzing that concentration is nearly impossible. I rely on down time to declutter my head and reconsider what’s essential to me.
The distinction between extraverts and introverts is an important one. Where you get your energy from determines a large part of who you are and how you function, and understanding that part of who you are and how you function helps the people who like you to respect and care for you. I can’t appreciate the difference, because I’m not one or the other. I gain energy both by spending time with people I like and by spending time with myself, but if I neglect to do either, I feel oddly flat and exhausted. In order to stay well-rounded and energized, I have to remind myself to take time for me, and I need to push myself to meet new people and have conversations with people I don’t know, or don’t see everyday.
I think some of that is true to everyone. We all owe it to ourselves to retain a sense of balance in the way we spend our time. I think every introvert known to man has been told at one point or another to “put themselves out there,” because friendships and relationships are necessary to life. I think that’s true, our relationships are essential and worth discomfort and risk. Still, I wish we also encouraged the opposite. I don’t think extraverts are told to spend time with themselves enough. I am half extravert, and my extraverted side usually wins when it comes to dividing my time. I usually neglect my personal time in order to cram in more time with the people around me, and then I wonder why I’m not enjoying my time at social events, and why I feel like sitting in the corner.
Every table at a restaurant has at least two chairs, because sitting by yourself is “sad,” but sometimes it’s nice to take yourself out. Food is sublime when all you have to focus on is tasting every bite. Do it. Be luxurious and invest in a movie ticket for one. Spend that whole movie focusing on the movie and no one else. Who cares if anyone looks? You should hang out with you and value your own head. If you spend time on your own thoughts and feelings, growing self-respect, you will face life with a lot more intention and confidence. An investment in yourself can only turn a profit.
Reflection is part of finding peace and understanding. You need to be OK with silence and with quiet. If all you ever do is chatter, how will you learn how to listen? Active listening is not as natural or as easy as it is assumed to be, but it is necessary to understanding other people and yourself. It’s also not easy to quit the chatter. There are SO many distractions in life, sometimes it’s hard to remember to just enjoy the quiet of your own thoughts. I know I have a hard time remembering, but if I neglect my own time for too many days in a row, I start getting headaches, and I have a harder time listening to people who I like and usually find interesting.
Being social can be exhausting for me, so I have to spend time alone, but I would argue that even if you are the biggest extravert in the world, you should still remind yourself to spend time with your own thoughts sometimes. You owe yourself time to mull over your own experiences and problems. You need time away from all the beautiful noise of people, otherwise you will never truly understand or appreciate your own life.
Who knows? You may surprise yourself. When you have your brain to yourself, you can do incredible things. You can find answers to insurmountable problems and challenges, and you may even find yourself creating things out of a mine of inspiration you haven’t bothered to tap yet.
Do it. Relax. Take yourself out. Maybe just spend this Saturday alone doing something with your hands, like cleaning or crafting or anything outside. Tear yourself away from the screens, turn off Facebook, and just be you. See if you like who you find, and if you don’t, maybe you need more time for thought in your life. The first step to turning something around in your life is reflecting enough to recognize it.
Life is long and hard. You need friends to get you through, but you also need internal strength, and you can only grow that by being OK with just you and no one else. So yeah, spend time alone. Really indulge yourself. Do something you love with no one else in the room or eat something you love with no one else at the table. Glorify in a lack of company, because you should get to have fun with just yourself. You need you, so treat yourself well.
I spent all of today by myself, barely talking to anyone, and it was beautiful. It was spontaneous and quiet. I didn’t do anything special, but I did listen to myself for hours, and I feel like I bought myself something. I want that for you.
Maybe your experience will be different. I don’t know. I can’t know or understand what alone time feels like or looks like to you, not really. What I do know is how necessary alone time is to understanding and self-love. You deserve those things.
Do it. Spend time by yourself. It’s glorious.
