5 Practical Ways To Be Kind To Yourself
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

5 Practical Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself, Because You Deserve The Same Love You Give To Others

I've realized that being nice to myself is actually really important.

132198
5 Practical Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself, Because You Deserve The Same Love You Give To Others

I'll never forget the day that someone told me these words: "Madison, I think you're a good friend to everyone but yourself." I stood there completely in awe of that statement. Before that day, I never really thought about being a friend to myself, and at the time, I didn't really know what it meant. Now, I realize that you can't fully be there for other people unless you're there for yourself, too. You can't show up for others until you're willing to show up for yourself.

Here are five things everyone should learn in order to be a better friend to themselves. These steps are hard, but they're so worth it.

1. Learn to say no, and actually mean it

This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I'm an enneagram 2, for goodness sake — I love to help and I'm happiest when I'm busy. I've realized that I over-commit and burn myself out, simply because I'm afraid of letting other people down. I often worry that if I don't do something, they won't like me.

By no means am I advocating for everyone to walk around and say "no" to everything, but I want to encourage you to be intentional about what you put your time and energy into each day. Pick a few things that you genuinely want to do and commit to them.

I struggle with saying no, but I've come up with two questions to ask myself when an opportunity arises: Do I genuinely want to do this? If not, is there a chance that I might be taking an opportunity away from someone else who does — someone who will do the job just as well, or even better than me?

2. Realize that doing your best does not mean sacrificing your health

Too often, we're judged so much on our performance and output that our health often becomes secondary. I hope you know that doing your best and striving for excellence does not mean rejecting your basic needs and overall wellbeing. Doing your best does not mean perfection, and trust me, this is something that I'm very much working on myself.

Just as it's important to set clear expectations in our outside relationships, we have to do the same with ourselves. This might look like allowing yourself to take a nap, even though you have five hours of work left. It might look like showering and getting dressed, even if you don't feel like it. It might mean putting the textbooks away for the night and watching an episode of your favorite Netflix show instead.

Something that's helpful in this endeavor is having friends that actively encourage and hold you accountable to your physical and mental health as well. You can also do this on your own by setting a timer or a schedule. In high school, I had a rule that if I wasn't finished with my work for the day by nine, I would go to bed. Now, I give myself thirty minutes each day to do something that I enjoy that's free of work, whether that be listening to music or going for a walk. It's the little things that end up being the big things — take them seriously.

3. Enjoy your own company

As an extrovert, I'm someone who adores being around people. I've started realizing that part of being a good friend to myself is setting time to be alone. Being alone used to terrify me — sometimes, it still does. Yet, I've found that setting time each day to do something independently is valuable.

Whether that be writing poetry, browsing Pinterest for inspirational quotes (yes, I'm definitely that girl), or making a quick run to Target, I'm working to incorporate some alone-time into my daily routine. For you, this might look like going for a run or taking yourself out to get your favorite Starbucks drink. For others, this might mean cooking your favorite dinner and binge-watching your favorite show for hours.

If you don't want to schedule out time each day to do something for yourself, you can also pick a certain day each week to treat yourself and enjoy your own company. As strange as it sounds, taking time for yourself is the foundation of your relationships with others. It's not selfish, and quite honestly, it's one of the most selfless things that you can do. I've found that having a clear view of myself has given me greater clarity in my relationships with others. Most importantly, I'm aware of what I bring to the table and no longer tolerate those who don't.

4. Realize that not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your life (and you don't need a front-row seat to theirs) 

Embracing this truth might mean something different for all of us. For some, it might mean unfollowing accounts on social media that continually make you feel unworthy. It might mean limiting your time on social media. For others, it might mean distancing yourself from others who don't make you the best version of yourself. By all means, be kind and respect them, but realize that you don't need to be everyone's best friend.

You don't have to like everyone, and they don't have to like you. You owe it to yourself to surround with those who are dedicated to your well-being and give you energy instead of taking it from you. As difficult as it is, you can love people and want the best for them but not allow them back into your life. Wish them well, and realize that gaining them isn't worth losing yourself. You owe it to yourself to unfollow your ex or remove yourself from toxic friendships.

The same is true for others. Respect the boundaries that they might put in place, and realize that you don't need to know every detail of their lives, either. Seek out people who continually build you up. These are the people who do deserve a front-row seat to your life. Seek relationships that speak life into your bones and give you a sense of purpose, but realize that these relationships don't define who you are.

5. Give yourself grace

Your relationship with yourself takes work, just like your relationships with other people. It's OK if there are moments where you slip up and think that you've failed. Those moments will come, and it's these moments that push you to grow as a person. It's these moments that will ultimately define your character and shape who you hope to be. You are worthy of the love that you so freely give to others — use that truth to advocate for yourself. Live fiercely and do big things, but remember that even if you didn't do these things, you would still be just as wonderful. You don't have to be perfect. I promise, and I'm still learning, too.

You are worthy of every good thing that comes your way. Don't ever forget it.

Report this Content
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

38729
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

23156
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

949549
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

127115
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments