I know what you are probably thinking but please don't get confused. I am not afraid of love or being in love, I just believe that 'I love you' can have a great effect on people. A lot of people will say 'I love you' without thinking about the effect it has on people. They say it as though it means nothing and in a sense gives it less value. When everyone is saying it to you it almost loses the intimacy of it.
There are times my friends will say it to me and I understand how they mean it and that it is just there way of saying they appreciate me and care about me, but to me, it means something else. It is a sign of loyalty and isn't something you say to just anyone. No, I'm not saying my friends aren't important or that I don't care about them, because I do. I just don't say ' I love you' to express how I feel about them or to express that I care.
Perhaps, I have heard too many people say it without meaning it, or maybe I am used to being hurt by the ones who say it the most. Maybe love looks much different for people who are used to being hurt. Love changes people, it can either destroy them or make them the happiest person on earth depending on who is saying it and if they mean it. There are times I say I love you, to my parents, my siblings, because they realize the power behind it. Love is a powerful thing meant to be shared but not abused. Love is not meant to hurt people and that is how it is used more often than not. I don't say I love you to just anyone because I do not want to give them false hope or say it without being able to back it up, without meaning it.
When we say things we don't mean, when we do mean it, they won't believe it. We say things we don't mean and we make promises we have no intention of keeping, and because of it, we can't even go off of someone's word anymore. And isn't that the opposite of love? Being unable to trust someone and not knowing if they are lying or not is simply not love.
Love is not something meaningless but instead something with tremendous meaning and power and isn't something to be said just because. To all my friends who have told me they loved me and I just awkwardly stared at you or turned it into a joke, please know I do care about you a great deal. I just believe love has a greater power than people realize and I do not want to say it without meaning it. I do not mean to hurt you by not saying it, I am trying to protect you from the feeling of being told I love you without meaning.
There will be a day I will say it and mean it and please know that when that day comes I mean it with my whole heart and I hope you realize how much it means to me.