Being quiet has its perks. Sometimes, the less you talk, the more reason people have to think you're wise... maybe even deep, if you want to be perceived that way. It’s likely that you are a better listener than most. Long story short, I love the way I am. However, it took me forever to come to terms with being a little low-key. The world shows a preference for people with the highest volume, seemingly giving positions of prominence to people who talk a good game.
From classrooms, to professional offices, to social situations, people have always told me to talk more, to express myself more… people still say things like “Wow, I forgot you were here because you’re so quiet.” That used to bother me. Looking back, I feel like I would’ve been so dope as a kid if I just realized that REAL Gs MOVE IN SILENCE LIKE LASAGNA and owned my personality. A rap lyric taken out of context, yet still true. Anyway, I’m writing this for all the kids who don’t know its cool to be quiet, introverted, or all the above.
1. Quietness and Introversion are VALID personality traits
It’s likely that you’ve had a teacher who was concerned about your social adjustment or told your parents they wish you’d show your personality more. As if you weren’t already expressing your natural self by being quiet. Does it occur to them that you don’t operate best in groups because maybe you do your best thinking alone? Introverts may not easily conform to society’s standards of processing, but we are innately strong innovators and developers because of our tendency to take a step back and let things marinate. Here’s a TED talk that helped me embrace introversion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
2. Quiet, Shy, and Introverted are DIFFERENT terms. Tell them.
I’ll be honest. I think shyness is something people should grow out of. The word connotes timidity and inability to communicate when you desire to. Shyness makes me think of that tight feeling in your chest when you’re too afraid to approach someone interesting or make a point in class. That’s no good. However, introverts aren’t always quiet and quiet people aren’t always introverts, so that’s a misconception. Introverts can be a match extroverts for their outgoing behaviors, but simply require alone time to recharge. Sometimes quiet people love being in large groups. You’re multifaceted. Don’t let people put you in a box.
3. You’re really cool and special. You have layers. Like a parfait.
This applies to everyone, but some people will try to rob you of your individuality and presence. The reality is that some people won’t have the patience to really know you, but you have to know that those who do will definitely reap the rewards of a friendship with you. There’s something about a person who isn’t up front with all of their idiosyncrasies and quirks but reveals them over time, contributing to longevity in relationships. Also, while you’re seldom the life of the party, your friends can always count on you to say solid, thoughtful things when they need it. Lastly, there are so many non-verbal avenues of self-expression. Between visual art, fashion, writing, or anything you produce, there are so many media, each worth a thousand or more words.
I’m extremely grateful to God for friends who see the value in- and help me to value- my quiet, gentle spirit and encourage me to exercise boldness within those personality traits. I believe that when you take this first step of accepting and embracing yourself, you’ll find people who do the same!
