Everyday we are faced with challenges that steal our happiness from us. Here are somethings that I have learned over the years to relinquish when searching for happiness each day.
- Your need to always be right
Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind? -Wayne Dyer
So many times we are faced with the challenge of either being right or simply letting whatever the argument is and making peace with the situation. Most of the time, choosing to just agree to disagree and keep the peace will result in a better situation than your need to always be right. That doesn’t mean that you are supposed to let people walk all over you. Always stand up for what you believe. But if you are serious about being happy you have to give up this desire to let your stubbornness rule over your life. Ask yourself this questions next time you are faced with this challenge: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
2. Your need for control
Life as we know it always feels stressful. Especially when in college. Our days our filled with chaos, anxiety, and the stress we face is almost never ending. So it is almost given that we cling to every constant that we can. We don’t like change. That is what drives us to crave control over our life situations. Doing so cost us big time. It can negatively effect us and our well-being, but also the people around us. The easiest way to conquer this is to start being honest with yourself. Look at these situations in your life and where, how, and why you cling so tight to control them. Be real with yourself on what these actions are and how they effect you and others around you. Figure out if you are willing to relinquish that control. It will not be easy, but the will to let go is the first step towards a positive change. Letting go of control is about loosening our grip and letting ourselves trust that things will turn out how they are supposed to be.
3.Blaming others
When we face problems in our life, it is so easy to blame others when they go wrong. We have all heard of the story of the little boy who cried wolf. In that story as a child we learned that the more we blame others and accuse them of our problems the less credible our own voice becomes. Soon, people will not want to listen to you at all. It is so important in this day and agin to find your own voice and go out into the world and make a difference. Stop blaming other people for the problems you are facing in your life and instead look at each obstacle and find something positive to gain from it.
4. Complaining
Everyone complains. Most of the time we don’t even notice we are doing it. But no one like to spend a lot of time around someone who is constantly negative or always degrading in their thoughts. It is so easy for our minds to gravitate towards negative thoughts, especially when we are stressed or under a lot of pressure. In order to find happiness, we have to start thinking about our words. Whenever you find yourself beginning to complain, think of something positive to say instead. Try to see the positive side of every situation instead of always looking for the worst. Don’t ignore your negative thoughts though because they will add up. The best thing to do when going through a rough time is to vent, and the best way to do that is to write it out. Write out your negative thoughts on paper and then throw them away. In the end, ask yourself if you would rather complain or choose to be happy.
5.Your need to impress others
Often we find ourselves trying to impress other people. We waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others will think of what we wear, how we look, or what we say. It is so easy to get caught up in looking for validation in others so that we can feel that we are worth something in life. Although there is nothing wrong with wanting to do a good job at something, whenever we focus only on what others will think we only bring excess stress and anxiety upon ourselves. Instead of focusing on what others think, we should focus each day on trying to be true to ourselves. The thing that gives us the most strength in life is being able feeling confident in who we are. In the end it is important to surround yourself with the people who don't care about what you look like or the clothes you wear, because they appreciate you for who truly are.
6.The Past
We have all been hurt by someone at some point in our life. Pain is a normal feeling that is completely okay to have, but sometimes we can hold on to it for too long. Most of the time that creates a problem. It makes us unhappy. It hurts our friendships and keeps us from succeeding in life. It can keep us from living our life to the fullest. We sometimes find ourselves getting lost in the vicious cycle of anger and hurt that holding on the the past brings us that we can miss out on what is going on right in front of us. In order to become free from this, we have to learn to let go and forgive so that we can move on. Forgiving those that have hurt you in the past can change your life for the better. It does not mean that you have to forget your past, because I believe that your past shapes who you are, but it does mean letting go of all of those negative feelings and moving toward a happier place in life.
7. Comparing your life to others
It is so easy to find ourselves comparing our lives to those around us. What we often don't realize is that we usually are comparing our worst with someone else’s best. There will always be people who seem to appear to be better than you because they seem to have this “perfect” life. When we spend time comparing ourselves to others, we waste energy focusing on their lives instead of our own. It only causes us to regret that we aren't something else instead of embracing who we are. It robs us of our happiness. Instead of focusing on other people’s lives, focus on celebrating who you are. Wherever you are in life, there are so many wonderful things about you. You are unique and unlike any other person out there. Yes it is only human nature to compare ourselves but nothing good ever comes from that. Instead let’s stop focusing on what others are doing in their lives and start living our own. We only get once chance to live the life we are given, let’s not waste it trying to be something we aren’t.
8. Negative self-talk
Everyone gives themselves a little self-criticism every now and then. Sometimes it can even help you become a better person. But there is a huge difference in self-criticism and constantly beating ourselves up with negative thoughts. When we are constantly degrading ourselves we bring on high levels of stress and even depression. Instead of pointing out everything we do wrong, we have to make a choice to be kind to ourselves. A simple way to do that is to put a positive spin on the things we tell ourselves. Instead of saying things like “My life is so unorganized, I will never be able to finish all of this work,” twist it into something a little more positive like, “I think I might not be able to get all of this done. But I am going to give it my very best.” Remember that most of the time the things you think about yourself are only describing how you are feeling in that moment and do not describe who you are. I have found it so liberating to stop holding yourself to the high standards of perfection and knowing that is it okay to mess up sometimes and learning to move on from that. An easy thing to remember whenever you start to be too hard on yourself is that if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, then don't say it to yourself.
9.Your excuses
A step to a happier life is putting an end to your excuses. It is about owning up to your actions and your responsibilities. If you want to get the most out of your life you have you have to stop making excuses for yourself and go after what you want. It is not easy to avoid making excuses and to focus on your goals as somethings can come up that you cannot control. But when these things do happen, it is so easy to point a finger at everything else. Making excuses for not doing things in your life is a waste of time because it will only lead you to become lazy or weak. If you want to reach you dreams, you will have to begin to accept the challenges you are faced with and figure out ways to conquer them. Focus on the things that you need to do in your life to get you to where you want to be. Instead of thinking of all of the reasons you cannot do something, try to just think of one reason why you can do it and focus on that.
