Being socially anxious is more than just preferring to stay home or being alone. A person with social anxiety can get emotionally overwhelmed and distressed in seemingly simple social situations, such as introducing themselves to a group of new people. Every interaction with people, whether they are strangers or friends, carries a fear of humiliation, being judged or accidentally offending someone.
People with social anxiety are oftentimes very aware of the irrational nature of their reaction, but that doesn't make it any easier. If you have social anxiety, talk to your friends and make sure they're aware of how you may react and what you may need in certain situations -- your true friends will want to help you out in any way they can!
If you don't have social anxiety but have friends who do, here are a few ways to help them out:
1. Directly include them in group conversations.
When you are all together with a bunch of people and they're not talking, it's not that they don't have anything to say. They just aren't sure how to break into the conversation and are probably worried about sounding dumb or speaking out of place. Directly ask them their opinion and acknowledge their responses.
2. If they ask you to go with them to do something, don’t say that it’s silly. Just go.
“I have to ask the saleslady something… Will you come with me?” It may seem insignificant, but it's actually a big deal. Just walk with them and stand next to them while they talk -- it means more than you think.
3. Encourage them to try new things, but don’t force them.
Sometimes the best thing for people with social anxiety is to be with a socially confident person who will do crazy things that they secretly have always wanted to do but would never do alone. But, if you try to peer-pressure them into doing something they're really not comfortable with, no one will have a good time.
4. Be willing to spend some time with them in their most comfortable environment.
Having a good time doesn't always have to include going to loud and crowded places, like the mall or a party. For a person with social anxiety, their idea of a good time could include taking a walk in the park, chilling at the house with a few close friends or even just grabbing some snacks and throwing on Netflix for a whole afternoon.
5. Understand that when they decline an invitation, it’s not personal.
If you invited them to a party or get-together and they say “No,” it doesn't mean that they don't like you. It could mean that they don't know enough people going, aren't mentally prepared to be in a new environment with lots of people or recently went to a huge social event and are drained.
6. When you bring them somewhere, stay with them.
If, on the other hand, they do accept that invitation, don't ditch them! Leaving a person with social anxiety in an unfamiliar room with social strangers is most likely their worst nightmare.
7. Respect that when they say they want to go, they want to go.
If your friend who has social anxiety comes up to you and tells you they are leaving, don't beg them to stay or make them feel bad for going. Chances are, when they say this, they have stayed until the last possible moment before feeling overwhelmed. Thank them for coming and let them leave gracefully.
8. Never, absolutely, under no circumstance, ever mock the way that they interact with someone.
Whether they stuttered while ordering food or didn’t make eye contact with the cashier, understand that they did the best they could and are painfully aware of any awkward mistake they made. If you point out that mispronounced word or the avoided eye contact, understand that it is something they will literally think about the rest of the day. It will keep them up at night and make them cringe whenever they remember it.
Above all, what a person with social anxiety needs is support in uncomfortable situations... and, of course, a lot of love.
Don't we all?
