Chariot racing. Hot air ballooning. Offshore power boat racing. All of these glorious testaments to mankind's worth as a species share a common feature: they were all discontinued as Olympic sports. Before you boot up change.org, consider that while these sports are glorious in their execution, isn't it time for some other events to have their turn in the spotlight? "Right!" you probably said. Here are 7 sports that you could be seeing in the next summer games.

7. Backflip Racing

Logistically, this should already be like some side event at the Olympics to begin with. You've already got the track for Usain Bolt to run on, the big cushions those wussy high jumpers need, what's the harm in getting some of those specimens to do backflips until they forget which way is up?

6. Professional Slap Fighting

There are plenty of people out there that are sick and tired of the "pretentiousness" of the Olympic games, and they deserve an event all to themselves. Before you rush to conclusions, it's not like this sport is for hooligans either. Just look at the respect the one competitor gives the other after a good slap. Or maybe he's trying to shake off the concussion and check on his motor skills.

5. Full Contact Jousting

What's more noble and courageous than literally shafting your fellow competitor while riding a horse? And just look at how little space you need! Just take one soccer field and you could finish every match within an hourSeriously, this used to be watched by kings and royalty, how is it not deserving a spot at the next summer Olympics?

4. Sepak Takraw

So volleyball is great and all, but isn't it time to rotate it out for some real action? This game features small team sizes so you spend less time searching for another squad in the lobby, and could double as rhythmic gymnastics if the budget is running short. This is already like the most mainstream obscure sport anyway, so why not give it a shot?

3. Penny Farthing Racing

Let's face it: riding penny farthings is already the hottest pastime of 2016, so it only makes sense to include a competition for it in the next summer games. Don't be fooled by the black and white nature of this gif, I took this video just a few days ago after I arranged my powdered wigs and quartered some British soldiers.

2. Freestyle Helicoptering

This really requires no defense on my part as to why this should be in the Olympics. Are you watching this?! How ******* gnarly is that ****?! Dude hits the sweet boardslide into the indy 540 and he sticks the landing no problem. I mean Rio is already going to hell in a hand basket anyway, you could slip this one this year if you really wanted to.

1. Hand Planing

Honestly, if anything on this list is going to make it in, it better be hand planing. Just look at the poise! The technique! The pure, unadulterated nanometers of wood! This deserves to have prime time, NBC coverage every single night of the Olympics with no exceptions. Plus, look at the thrill on that man's face when he realizes that his whole life was all just a precursor to that glorious moment. This sport really does have it all.